Am I even in the right place?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Am I even in the right place?
1
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 1:46pm
Well, this feels kind of awkward. 2 years ago I was a faithful member of the July 2005 expecting club, and now I am browsing the divorce/separation area. Heart wrenching in a way.
I have been separated from my husband since December/January of this year. It is so difficult for me. We have gone through counseling, and are now doing separate counseling for ourselves. The counselor said that he couldn't even do couples counseling because of the severity of our own personal issues.
Bottom line is that I was only 19 when I met my husband, 21 when we were married. He is 12 years my senior. I am now 24 years old, and a completely different person that I was when I married him. I have found that I was never in love with him, only in love with the idea of being in love! I had somewhat of a rough childhood, and saw in him stability, and I clung to that.
Now we have a child together, and he is the only reason I have considered working on the marraige after all of the hurt and pain we have caused eachother. And, the one reoccuring thought is that I have never loved this man, and I can never love him. I only want to make it work so that my son does not come from a broken home.
The common response to this from most people, is that it is better for our son. Well, there was no fighting, or arguing between my husband and I. We did neglect eachother though.
I am not looking for anyone to tell me what to do. Just venting in a way, and hoping to maybe get some words of encouragement. I feel like such a failure for my son.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:27am

Hi there... ya know... don't ever feel like a failure because you've grown and you are seeing the possibilities of ways to improve your life.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~