Am I forever jaded?
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Am I forever jaded?
| Sun, 06-19-2005 - 7:43pm |
I sit here alone on Father's Day, not because the kids are with "dad" but because he chose to take the day and be with friends, so did my kids. I wonder if I will ever feel 100% love in the truest form again, will I ever love or be loved (or so I thought) without judgements from what happend with STBX. I am scared to think that I may have it rough being close to someone again. How do you get over the past and quit remembering the bad? I don't want to ever hurt again, not the way that I have over the last 2 and 1/2 years. So how do I become a trusting person again?
I hope this is a normal emotion in this process, fear that I may be alone forever because of this. Please someone tell me it will pass!!

Things will get better. In some ways, I am stronger - I am less trusting (I think I was too trusting before), more leery and to tell you the truth, I would rather be alone than go through what transpired in the 3 years before my divorce. I can now sleep soundly without tossing and turning and waking up in cold sweats!!
Hugs to you!!
Hi rach,
I'm sorry father's day was so sad for you. I don't knwo your circumstance as i am new here. But I do think that having really horrible moments/days is completely normal. And I do think you will feel trust and love again. Hugs
sorry for the lower case, the baby is having a bad morning
I am so sorry things are so sad for you right now... here's a hug for you :)
It will pass, and when it does you will see the "light". You will not be afraid, but you will be cautious with someone else. You will have learned from your previous marriage and you will know when to put up a flag. I did, you can too :)
Hugs to you,
Angelena
I understand totally. I spent Father's Day alone b/c my ex actually took our son from Saturday and kept him overnight. Needless to say he spent Sat. and Sun. with his 21yr old gf and my son.
Sat. I went out, it didnt bother me as much, but Sunday I became a basket case it was like I was hyperventilating or something. Im so ashamed now but I learned a huge lesson. I just needed him to talk to me, listen b/c I felt so alone. The thought of him spending Fathers Day with another woman and our son. I felt replaced. I know it's crazy sounding but thats how I felt.
You know he treated me like garbage and blamed me for how he was treating me. Saying im always crying and bringing up the same thing over and over again, im making the relationship between us deterioate and Im making him not care about me anymore and how it's been a yr and a half (not true, its been a yr and 3 months) and I should get over it etc. I think of all the times he needed me after the breakup, all hours of the morning and I never turned my back on him. And here I was hysterical at how nasty he was acting, asking him why cant you just be here for me for a change and he didnt care. When I told him what about all the times I was there for you he said now im throwing it in his face and he wishes he would have never asked me for anything and it doesnt matter that I was there for him, he has no time for me and im not the center of his world. But he's told me how he wants to be friends. Ha!
He had the nerve to me how his gf has caught on that "im not over him" and she doesnt want him talking to me on the phone or coming to my house. We are to have no contact unless it has to do with our son and he cant take my behavior so that's what he's gonna do from now on. Some friend he is right. I told him how can you throw away all we had b/c you have a new gf. I told him "friends" are there for each other it's not supposed to be one sided.
That b%st^rd! How dare he. So now all of a sudden he listens to her. When I wanted him to cut all contact with the ow to save our family he wouldnt do it for nothing but now he's gonna do this for her.
Ive never felt so low and broken as I did yesterday. But you know what it was necessary for me to realize exactly what kind of man he really is. He's not for me. And if he can do this to me and I gave him 5 1/2 yrs, his first born son and love, care, support, I cooked, cleaned, did everything for him and this is how he treats me. Because he has a 21yr old stroking his ego big time. One thing I know he will go along with her for a little while. But he will get tired of her demands and her rules. Trust me! I know him. Because after all the craziness when he came to drop the baby off, he stood there looking at me with this dumb, ashamed look on his face and said I'll call you. After telling me earlier in the day that he wasnt calling me anymore, would email me when he wants to pick up the baby. So I have a trick for him, she wants me and him to not talk, well honey he just dont know. I may have been weak all this time but this has catapuled me into a new person that is strong and I will not ever let him make him make me feel that way ever again. Ive always been his safety net, his strength when he's in trouble, lets see what he does now b/c my back will be turned when he comes to me again and I know he will, he always does. What goes around comes around.
You will get through this and you are not alone. I have a guy who's been trying to talk to me, but im so afraid to trust anyone and so scared of being alone. I want someone in my life but im too afraid to even start b/c of what happened with my ex. But we cant live in FEAR that's what our ex's want. Us to never move on and always be "stuck" on them. It's an ego trip for them. Just be cautious, you know the warning signs, the gut feelings, just dont ignore them. LOVE YOURSELF. I forgot how to love myself, I was too busy loving my ex. Im gonna start loving me for a change. Remember birds of a feather flock together. If you emit love from within, you will attract love. Love comes through you!