am I obsessed?
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| Mon, 12-26-2005 - 11:42pm |
I was browsing the internet dating sites like I do every once in a while & there it was my stbx profile..I thought it was funny..at first.
then I read his "profile"...he wants someone.. who isn't needy..something he says I was to the extreme..independent..I depended way too much on him in his opinion..(gee who would have thought you could depend on your partner ) who can carry on a conversation ..which he says I can't (actually I think I was just talking "over his head"..too many big words) etc etc etc..
I got upset to the point of crying ..I start thinking that he might be right..I was dependent..needy...but why do I care what he thinks??
He has moved in with his gf of 9 mos and I am sitting here alone..
why can't I stop thinking about this?? am I obsessed with him???
any thoughts?
just an endnote..interesting his profile is on 2 dating sites when he has been dating someone for 9mos...just keeping his options open I guess...

mom_nettiejane...
Just a suggestion from Pianoguy.
Rather than worry about the number of dating sites your (EX) b/f's profile is visible on....why not look at the reasons he considered you 'clingy?' THEN...WORK ON CORRECTING A FEW OF THE PROBLEMS!
Most men hate it when women are constantly expecting them to make ALL THE DECISIONS! Or are whining? This doesn't mean we're looking for total independence from you either.
What most males want is BALANCE!
Because with BALANCE....we know that you can 'survive' without us in the event (GOD FORBID) we're hit by a bus, fired from our job, or attacked by a 'psycho-crazed former g/f!'
Pianoguy
thank you for your "insight"
this "pyscho-crazed ex gf" is an stbx wife of 12 yrs with 3 kids aged 6-8yrs..
I was a stay at home mom on his insistance then he decided I depended to much on him for money & to pay the bills.
since he has left I have looked after the 3 kids & the large house while working full-time
meanwhile he has gone through 5 women including the 25 yr old gf (he is 36) of 9 mos
and I had to go to court to get financial support for "his" children..
I do have issues..with trust...but clingy? I'm not sure about that one..if looking after 3 kids and my husband makes me clingy...then I'm guilty
Hello again, mom-nettijane!
Obviously....there's a difference between the EX and yourself.
You took full responsibility for your children's lives...as well as your own. Your EX (when he got sick, bored or tired) abandoned his current lifestyle in favor of someone elses.
"Recovering Trust" takes time and a risk is always present in every new relationship.
Hopefully...you can find the happiness you're seeking...as your former "spouse" messes up the lives of others!
Pianoguy
Oh, but don't you understand you ARE clingy??? If you ever want your husband to come home and do anything with you...be a father...husband, etc...you're clingy (I'm being sarastic here...I don't really feel that way.).
I went through the same thing with my STBX. The guy was never home. The few times I actually got the guts to ask him to come home, he accused me of wanting to be his lap dog. And trust me, I'm not the clingy type at all...and I'm sure you're not either. They're just the words of a bitter, sad man. Pay them no attention.
I just don't understand how we had the same goals at the beginning and then he up and changed his mind...he did a total 360...me I can understand but the kids?
I had to talk to him about something my daughter said & he got heated saying "we are just so far apart on trust" ..well duh...I said "you made it that way, I have yet to lie to you"..which is the truth...I don't know how I will trust anyone again