Am I over-reacting to finding out tha...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Am I over-reacting to finding out tha...
13
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 9:45pm

Am I over-reacting to finding out that my DH pays for lapdances while in Vegas.



  • Yes
  • No


You will be able to change your vote.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 11:17am

I voted "yes" - that you're over-reacting. However, I must qualify that by saying that it does depend on history and how you feel about it.

Butterfly had a really good post earlier IMO:

<< It is perfectly normal for a man to go to a strip club and look at porn on the internet. ONCE IN AWHILE ( please dont shoot me for this but I am liberated when it comes to this stuff ) >>

If a guy goes to a club once or twice a year, for a bachelor party or some "guy" occasion like that, I really wouldn't worry about it. It's a guy bonding thing. Have a few beers, hang out, and just have fun. If he likes to go regularly, or just by himself, then I would think that's a problem.

The most important point though - if *you* have a problem with it, then that's all that matters. Some women do, and some don't. You have to do what feels right for you in your relationship.

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Side note: I am really surprised some women see a lap dance as cheating. I can see how it's a little different than just watching, but cheating? The dancer will rub up against the guy, but that's as far as it goes. I have *never* been in a club where there is touching allowed (the man using his hands to touch the dancer, I mean).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 12:08pm

*Shakes head...doesn't get it. I know there are levels to what most consider healthy adult sexual variations and interests...fantasies, occasional pornography like going out with the guys and WATCHING/LOOKING at hot babes on stage, or whether in magazines or the net' --- but assuming you have a relationship where there is even a medium amount of communication going on...you both know where your boundaries are, come on.

For some even 'looking might' not be comfortable if their mate does it...but either regular viewing as another poster said - if it interrupts your basic normal day to day life ie, spending lots of extra money to do it, or changing scheduled family stuff to go do it or going beyond the accepted boundaries within your relationship, is WRONG, period, for you.

And as for my two-cents...I am not going to tolerate anyone actually touching someone I am involved with in an intimate way...at all. I don't share myself, he isn't going to either. It he needs to - that is when he needs to get out of the relationship with me first, it means whatever we have is not enough, and our relationship doesn't have enough value; in other words he is seeking something he 'isn't getting' at home which he already knows I would not be interested in, but has not let me know it is a paramount need of his or has and I have made it clear I am not going to be involved in doing that, so therefore we just are not compatible...or, it might also mean, he has exactly what he wants at home ---- he just wants more or other things as well, without giving up what he already has...thats called 'using you.'

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 7:53pm

THanks Eric :)


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