Am I at that point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Am I at that point?
15
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 3:13pm
I'm looking for advice from those who have been there done that. my husband and i have had a wonderful relationship for the last 7 years but things changed last year and haven't been the same since. years ago i couldn't imagine being with another man and i knew in my heart that my husband and i were a wonderful couple and would be together for ever. we had a few things happen last year, all of which were his doing and he'd tell you the same thing. And since then, i can't look at him the same way anymore, i'm not attracted to him, i'm disgusted by him. he's trying so hard to make this marriage work and i believe that if i wanted it to work, it could. he's a great man, really he is, but we are more like best friends than lovers. then about a month ago i started having an affair. i'm by no means in love with this other man, he's just fun and entertaining for now, he's keeping me busy as my marriage falls apart. i want to seperate at least from my husband now, but he doesn't want to. he wants to keep trying. in my mind the relationship is dead. but i'm terrified to make a huge mistake. what if it really could work? what if my feelings for him change someday? and now that i've taken it to this new level of cheating, does that mean the relationship is dead for good? were any of you to this point when you decided to get divorced or does it sound like i should stick around and make it work. we have two kids, we're not very well off financially so divorce is going to be very hard. still, i don't want to stay in an unhappy relationship....


Edited 2/28/2007 5:42 pm ET by babydollcd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 2:53am
the grass is not greener on the other side, it smells good at first but then you relize all grass smells the same, goodluck honey in your adventure cause it will come back to haunt you in the end and you will regret, sorry to be so negative but its true and you will find out someday when its all over and done with
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 3:04am
heres my theiry on this , when you buy a new car, its a great feeling, right? am i wrong or right? ok , so anyway while your driving around in this new car and you think your having the time of your life in it, just think for a minute that new car your driving is gunna feel like the old one that is sitting in the driveway right now and not long from now your gunna be looking for a new car again, my first suggestion is to grow up and stop acting like a kid with candy because in this world history repeats itself over and over again, people need to be stronger and not be so selfish anymore
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 11:01am

Comparing a complex relationship like a marriage to a car is absolutely absurd. When a car breaks down, you take it to the mechanic. When a relationship has problems, which are the result of issues shared by two living breathing HUMANS, it can take years just to figure out what those problems really are about.

Your post is insensitive and downright ludicrous. When people ignore their problems, they just get worse.

Babydoll, get to someone who can help you sort out just what is going on in your life. Someone who is qualified to guide you through this rough time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 12:24pm
well you said it, get to the machanic, fix the problem instead of creating a new one, i only used the new car situation as an example of that first love feeling, i know too many people who go threw this cycle over and over again , if its over then im sorry if it can be fixed well then fix it but till then goodluck in the future
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 1:51pm

Babydoll,

Please tell me that you didn't start an A with a OM because you were "looking for fun"?! And please, I hope he's not married with or without children. I got involved with a MM because my marriage was bad. I feel head over heels in love with him. Get out of that relationship now. It has taken me over 2 years to end my A. It has also taken therapy to discover that the A was a symptom of my bad marriage, not the cause.

"No good can come of this" and the people who stand to get hurt are numerous. If you don't love your H and you are not interested in reconcilliation, then get out. And i would recommend not telling your husband about the A, why transfer that guilt to another person who is innocent. A's are EXTREMELY SELFISH and WRONG. I know, BTDT.

what

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