Am I shooting myself in the foot?!?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Am I shooting myself in the foot?!?!?
5
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 7:48am
Hi all - as I have stated in other posts, my husband and I are separating and trying the "nesting" thing. I want the separation, he does not. I want the kids to stay in their home. Because of finances, we are going to share a common apartment on alternate days. We are trying to do everything 50/50, and be fair, and trying to stay out of the lawyers offices. We are having a separation agreement written up by a free county mediation place within the next few weeks, and the apartment thing will start next month. Even though we are 50/50, I am starting to get scared of the things he is trying to pull. Both our names are on the lease -- does that mean he has the right to control what I do when I am in the apartment (meaning having friends over, etc.?) We are both paying the rent equally. It was hard enough to get him to sign the lease. He is having minor surgery next week, and said he would not sign the lease unless I agreed to be here to take care of him during that week. You know, playing little games like that...... I am starting to wonder how long I will be able to stay out of a lawyers office...... and wondering if sharing an apt. with this man was the WRONG thing to do...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 2:47pm

Hi Mom_suzer,

It's hard to say whether the nesting idea was the wrong thing to do or not. I would imagine it can and does work for some couples, but would think it would take a lot of cooperation and mutual respect, and I could see where it would be very hard for it to work real smoothly when one person didn't want a separation to begin with.

If he is geninually concerned about certain friends you have over when he's not there having an adverse affect on the children somehow, that's one thing, and if that's the case, maybe he just needs some reassurance that nothing harmful to them is going on, but
I sure wouldn't think he'd have any legal rights concerning that otherwise.

He may just trying to control things though and then it's up to you to set your boundaries.

Good luck,
Tgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 4:48pm
Hey.... how are things going?

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 7:47am
Things are going better - this is the first weekend in the apt. I am feeling more positive about it all, but it will be a day by day process for sure!! I'll keep you posted!! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 10:14am

I really started to feel more comfortable with everything after I got moved, unpacked.... and realized that I could "make it" by myself.... hang in there!


Thanks for the update!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:50am
Yeah, its hard having to buy for two households, but I know everything will be ok. Thanks for your support!!! :)