and the award goes to....
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| Wed, 04-05-2006 - 11:29am |
BEST HUSBAND AWARD
to you, Mr. M.
I hereby award you the BEST HUSBAND AWARD
in recognition of your 'behavior above and beyond the call of duty'
.....for all the cups of tea that you DIDN'T make your wife, while she was vomitting from the chemo
.....for all the times you DIDN'T have sex with your wife (this should probably get a separate award lol)
......for all the dirty laundry, wet towels, plates, toenails, newspapers, junk mail that you left all over the house
......for all the times you controlled your wife by witholding money, sex, affection until you got what you wanted
......for your abuse of your wife's son - the same son that you swore you loved to pieces, the same son that you swore that you would raise and cherish and love.
......for every time that you put your wife down
for this and more ---- we award you Mr. M
the BEST HUSBAND AWARD
(now - let's see you guys top this!)

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Hi PG...I'm not a man as you know and as a female perspective I'm not much into the blame game either and I know you know what I went through with my divorce have seen my tale of woe too numerous to count, my exhusband cheated and flaunted his affair. But I wouldn't even put an award such as this out here because it just doesn't need to be done. Everyone makes mistakes in life, nobody is perfect, I know I wasn't perfect in my marriage and even though my husband chose the path he chose I don't even hate him for the choices he made I hope he gets the help he needs to be a better person because he's going to keep making those same mistakes in life until he does.
He's come full circle in life already back living in the same place he was back when I met him at 19, until he goes into counseling to deal with his issues, he will keep making those mistakes and I can't help but feel anything but sad for that, there isn't anything funny about that.
sk1960...
Pianoguy SINCERELY respects and appreciates your response.
The saddest thing about both sexes is that not every member is capable of being honest, or at the very least, communicating their intentions properly. To be honest...there are millions of people who have no business being married in the first place. . ANYWAY....
This is why the divorce percentage rate is so high and why divorce lawyers and legal advisors are making A BUNDLE OF MONEY! . But 67% of all marriages fail...according to the latest statistics.
Now you didn't indicate if this was your first marriage. But irregardless of whether it was your first or fifth...I THINK YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH A HELLUVA LOT!
If you read several of these boards (as much as I do)...the universal theme seems to be "he (or she) really wasn't ready for marriage or a relationship!" Of course...there's no way for a partner to realize this if the signs (or vibes) are hidden?
So most marriages are based on "good faith!" The possibility of them unravelling is the LAST THING any of us want to think about! We give everything that we know...but often, EVERYTHING ISN'T ENOUGH TO KEEP A PARTNER SATISFIED!
Personal thoughts about God and religion.
Religion is wonderful if the belief is truly there! Going to church, attending mass or visiting a synagogue out of obligation is dumb....simply because GOD, JEHOVAH, or whatever divine being you believe in exists OUTSIDE OF A BUILDING. Otherwise, we couldn't perform the work he (or is it she) wants us to do?
PG was raised as a Congregationalist, attended several other protestant churches (episcopalean, lutheran, unitarian-universalist, etc.) and even went to Catholic Mass a few times! Since religious music first tipped me off that I could actually "sing solo" and has always held a special place in my heart, I sang in church choirs and chorusses up through my late 30s!
Unfortunately, for some people...religion is also AN EXCUSE to hide or masque ourselves and our feelings from those who love us the most! How many times have you read a post that incorporates GOD (or some other divinity) as an excuse for dissolving a marriage, a relationship, or for displaying terrible behavior? !
I don't think any of us have COMPLETELY GIVEN UP THE DREAM of finding the right man or woman to settle down with and possibly making the duration of our lives happier? There are people who are "blessed with the right partner the first time around"....and then there are others who are constantly trying, but they FAIL!
I can only express a personal wish that for women (and men) who have read this far that they look within their hearts and ask themselves: "How much can I give up of myself in order to let someone else bring elements into my life that are missing?" And then...if you have the courage...ask your 'intended' the same question.
After which...keep your eyes on his facial expressions and listen closely to the words that come out of his mouth!
Pianoguy
nicknat2006....
If it's your desire to be upset with PG.....then you're certainly entitled to.
But if it's my desire to express MY OPINION (whether it agrees, disagrees or partially agrees with yours)...permit me the courtesy to express myself! As I indicated earlier, you can always skip over or ignore anything that I choose to say.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't the ivillage boards formatted for a variety of viewpoints....not just the ones YOU (or others) FEEL ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT MATTER? If you're looking for 100% support from everybody on every topic (and I'm talking everything from custody settlements to whether chocolate ice cream is a better flavor than vanilla)....NOBODY is going to completely agree! .
I'm very sorry you're upset with me. :(
But the moment I start responding the way "everybody thinks I should respond---instead of expressing my sincerest feelings about a specific topic or the way words are used in a particular post....that's the day I'll leave ivillage entirely. (Sorry, Karen!)
Pianoguy
Hi sniffle sally!
When you can spare a minute, backtrack a few posts and read the PG response to SK regarding men's behavior along with how some "hide behind their religious beliefs!"
Having responded to some of your earlier posts, I HONESTLY think you went through an awful lot of unnecessary BS from the man you married. But sadly, practically everybody who visits this (and many of the other ivillage relationship crisis boards) have also.
I just hope that you can eventually find the happiness you desire....with A GOOD PARTNER?
Best wishes and warm thoughts...
Pianoguy
Ok, pg, then it's also okay for ME to express my opinion that I think your post was very inconsiderate and insensitive. I don't understand why your need to express your opinion overrides your common sense in knowing when is the right or wrong time to say something but then again, I'm assuming you have some.
You said you called her bitter because she was implying she was talking to ALL MEN. I am not a man-hater by any standard, as I don't think any of the women here are but I do understand that women, being the emotional beings that we are, can tend to....exaggerate, if you will. But, I have read and re-read sk1960's post several times and can not see where you'd get that from. I do not see where she mentions "all men" or even implies it. Actually, her post is so specific and detailed, there's no way you could assume she's talking about more than one person.
I just think that when you cross the line and start attacking or commenting on someone's CHARACTER, you're going too far. You could just simply ignore posts like that if they bother you. Just as it's your right to comment, it's hers or anybody's right to say what they want. Why make this spectacle?
Just wondering....
PG seems to have resolved his issue with SK, why can't you? If anyone seems to have the "BITTERNESS" problem here it seems to be you. PG has been here for quite a long time. He has been very supportive to many people on this board and I hope he continues to be.
Any time you read a post from someone it is best to not simply just react by instantly typing a response. EVERYONE'S point of view should be respected just as Luvred found out with Step2. Once the others view was understood communication was made a whole lot better.
We have very few male posters to this board and it's not ment for women exclusively. It is nice to have the point of view from men. It's not often you will find a man willing to converse with women and understand where we are coming from. Please don't push away the ones who try.
K:)
Perhaps you should take your own advice instead of jumping on the bandwagon of calling ppl bitter.
What if I said I felt pg was pushing me off the board because I don't want to write about my experience for fear that he will judge me and my character? That's not going to happen because I'm not that sensitive but I've seen one poster say it already because of him and I can foresee more. Because if you're posting on this board, chances are, you are sensitive due to the things going on in your life. Just like you sound to be. I was just trying to convey that maybe a little more compassion, consideration and sensitivity could be given when it is clear the poster's intentions are not ill-intended and all they are trying to do is heal.
And no, I did not see pg's post to sk before I posted my last post to him because I get those email replies and I just went straight to his post to me. Though....after I did see it, I was even more disgusted that sk even had to come out and explain herself to him. She owed him nothing. She did nothing wrong.
But you can relax. I'm not pushing anyone off the board. I've said all I've wanted to say on this matter.
:)
boy we sure stirred up a can o' worms here....
PG --- just to fill you in on my background - this was my second marriage. i have a son from my first marriage. my second husband knew htat my son's father had nothing to do with him and promised us both that HE would step and be that 'dad'. instead... well, whatever. again - i am not BLAMING anyone anymore. but i will be veeeerrrryyy careful next time around.
my biggest problem was that i was sooooo ANXIOUS to BE married, i thought something was *wrong* with me because i wasn't married, i thought i needed a 'guy' to 'take care of things', etc. so---- i let all the red flags just wave in my face and i ignored them
sad, really, but if you ask me why people get divorced - its because they simply marry the wrong person. i remember people saying to me that people get divorced because they don't try hard enuf!! boy i hate when people say that!!
anyway, yes, i've << BEEN THROUGH A HELLUVA LOT!>>> but i have learnt alot from all my troubles. i am strong, and emotionally healthy today, no longer the door mat that i was...
Hello again, sk1960!
PG agrees.....we probably 'unearthed' considerably more reactions than a few of the ivillage CL's and CM's expected???
Whether you know it or not, you've revealed the "secret formula of the 2nd marriage?" .
It's only my opinion, but judging from all the posts I've read on this (and 7 other L&S boards)...I think there are plenty of women who, like yourself, went through an unsuccessful first marriage, but somehow felt they needed to "go swimming with the sharks again" right away?
I'm not suggesting that many members of my sex aren't desirable or don't offer some form of security...(and everybody has their own definition when it comes to that word)...but I think there are a lot of women who JUMP BACK INTO THE DATING POOL TOO QUICKLY? .
And this is why YOU'RE SO RIGHT when you made the statement about "marrying the wrong person!"
I'm not sure if it's the fear of being alone factor or something else? . While I think some women believe there's a certain amount of security connected with (please forgive the cliche) "having a man around the house"----IT'S NOT ALWAYS THE SMARTEST CHOICE THEY COULD MAKE! Particularly if they've just ended a marriage or a long-term relationship? They've already formed expectations (good and bad) that were present in marriage #1....or a FWB situation. So when those expectations aren't met....or if an unexpected (or annoying) 'quirk' shows up in husband #2's personality....all HELL breaks loose!
It's only one man's perspective (based on a 16-year marriage, a 15-month marriage, and a 4-year relationship inbetween)....BUT TAKING A LITTLE EXTRA TIME FOR A MAN & A WOMAN TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER ISN'T NECESSARILY A BAD THING??? Especially if marriages 1, 2 or 3 didn't turn out the way we hoped they would?
While the sexual impulses and the "gosh, I love beginning my day with this person lying next to me" are great incentives for becoming a permanent couple, there are still several more hours that we're required to "share our time" with that same man or woman!
I kinda wish the phrase "I DO" could be extended just a little during the wedding ceremony? The change would be: "I ACCEPT & COMPLETELY LOVE THE PARTNER I'VE CHOSEN---WARTS AND ALL!"
But as you and I both know....not EVERYBODY is up for that sort of challenge!!!
Best wishes and warm thoughts...
Pianoguy
<< remember people saying to me that people get divorced because they don't try hard enuf!! boy i hate when people say that!>>
I think people say that because they've never walked a mile in another persons shoes. It's the same people that say "If a man ever cheated on me I'd throw him out and get a divorce immediately" well that's easy to say, but when you have a marriage, children, etc. it's not so easy to throw that all away. It's not so easy to just throw someone out that you've built a life with. When faced with an experience and emotions are involved its a whole other can of wax.
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