Annoying Ex behavior

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
Annoying Ex behavior
5
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 12:25pm

My ex-husband has, for some reason, decided that he needs to talk to me every few days, about the kids, etc.  Yes, there are some real things we needed to discuss, like logistics for our DS flying and such, and my older DS was in a car accident, so I did call to let him know, and discuss getting the car repaired, BUT, that doesn't mean he needs to call me every couple of days and talk for 20 minutes or more!!  OMG, it's giving me heartburn.  I suppose he's lonely, but I don't really want to hear about his sinus infection, how stupid doctors are, his job, his car, etc.  I DON'T CARE.  I feel like hanging up on him after 2 minutes, because I don't want to be sucked into his unending pit of negativity and BS.  I suppose I "should" feel sorry for him because I have moved on, made friends, dated some, and have a full life while he's lonely, but I don't, and I'm not even going to make an effort.  He was a total jerk most of our marriage, made our lives miserable with his constant mood swings, Debbie Downer behavior, and drug use, so WHY does he think he can call me for sympathy and friendship now???  Clearly, I need to be a bigger *witch* or something.  

The other thing is, one of my best friends called me the other night to tell me that my ex has been texting/messaging her, saying he can get her a "great" job working with him and they could travel around together, since he needs a "travel companion."  WTH?  She was understandably insulted for me, since he's trying to not only get into her pants, but poaching my friends as well.  Yes, I know he's lonely, and my buddy is a good looking single woman, but come on!  I honestly wouldn't care if he DID hook up with her or anyone else, but she's MY friend, darn it.  How petty and immature do you have to be to try to date your ex wife's friends?  Is that a revenge thing or is he just desparate or something?  I just don't see the point, especially since there are plenty of other women out there.  It's almost as bad as trying to date my sister! 

OK, I'm done with my ranting.  Deep breaths.  Too bad I didn't think to make it part of the divorce agreement that we would only communicate via text and email, lol. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2014
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 12:11am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 11:28am
He obviously knows that you really don't like talking to him so he probably was trying to spare you the concern. I know how you feel about ex's finding the dumbest reasons to make contact with their former spouses anytime things don't go well for them. My ex and I split over two years ago and she and her boyfriend ended up with everything I had ever bought for the marriage. She still never hesitates to try to contact me anytime she falls on hard times or one of her studs she needed to replace useless me, steals from her or harms her in some way. I have now moved another five hundred miles from her and changed all my information so she can't find me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
Fri, 01-04-2013 - 3:38pm
I have been super busy whenever he calls, always out, about to get out of the car, go to the bathroom, whatever. I'm very upset that he texted me some crap about how upset he was that someone hit his car in a parking lot. He didn't bother to tell me that someone hit his car while he was driving in a parking lot, with MY SON in the car, and that they hit the car where my son was sitting. I didn't know about that until I talked to my poor kid, who said he was so scared he almost literally pooped in his pants. All the jerk talked about was his "Brand New Car, poor car, etc." Um, WTF about your SON??? It's nice to know where his priorities are, and serves as a great reminder of why I don't miss him at all. How anyone can worry more about their stupid car than their child is beyond me; I'm just glad my kids are home, safe, and unharmed at this point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 7:07pm

Hey MC,

You should not feel sorry for him AT ALL. He had a part in where he is now. He made his choices.

You don't have to listen to his sob stories either, simply say "I can't talk right now". Don't give him the benefit of your ear and support. He doesn't deserve it. Talking about decisions for the kids - allowed, everything else - inappropriate. I have a job where I help the public with questions. We have many regulars that get a little too "chummy" and personal since they are in every day and see us as friends. I have to consistently redirect their questions when they get too personal or they begin to rant. Maybe thinking of it this way would be helpful. If the question is appropriate and something I can actually help with, I will answer. If it's a personal question or something medical, legal or something I can't help with OR they are simply venting and ranting, I will end the conversation stating that I cannot help them. I have learned to draw boundaries.

You are available on a limited basis for child-related information only. You are no longer responsible for listening to his boo-hooing and lonliness. Too bad for him. He'll have to find someone else to whine to.

As far as asking your friend to travel is concerned, that's pretty slimy. Some men don't get it - or maybe he's trying to hurt you. Hopefully your friend is smart enough to stay away from him.

Hang in there,

Libby

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 1:21pm

Well just because he calls doesn't mean you have to talk to him--you can find out in the 1st minute if it's something important and then when he starts in on his personal problems, that's when you "have to go."  Or you could ask him to text you.  My 2nd exH was like this & we didn't even have kids together--I can't cut him off completely cause we still own the house together (until next year) and I'm on his health insurance so we have to have occasional communication.  When we were first divorced, he'd ask me to go out to eat and I actually did a couple of times cause he was being super nice to me and he took me to a couple of birthday parties involvinghis friends--until I found out that they were really confused cause they thought we were divorced, but dating.  Then I thought about it and I was really doing it because at that time I was kind of lonely too and it was kind of using each other as a crutch instead of moving on.  Plus then when I would spend time with him, although he was nice to me, he'd start in on the same negative rants that I had to hear every day when we were married about his work problems (sound familiar?) and it was just so boring.  So after a while, he'd be saying "we should go out for dinner" and I'd never say no directly but I would just never follow up, so after a while he just got the hint.  I did allow him to be a Facebook friend (I never really post anything very personal anyway) and from there I can tell that he seems to have made more of an effort to do things by himself which I think he might not have done if he was leaning on me all the time, so I think that is good for him too.