Another Newbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Another Newbie
8
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 3:20pm

This year (2006) will be the end of my 10 year marriage. It has been a rocky one. However, since my stbx has stated that he will cheat on me, the end is a no brainer. Still I am grieving the person I thought he would be and the life I thought I had. I have a 5 year old with special needs and a 2 year old. I've been a stay at home mom for 5 years and prior to that followed him around with the military taking whatever jobs were there. I have a degree in psychology (funny, huh?) but my resume is so chopped, I can't just run out and get a job. I am considering trying to get certified to teach in my daughter's district so that I can have the same hours as her (since she requires medical care when not in school). Anyway, I am looking for a place to vent, ask and talk. I hope I've found it since several of the yahoo groups I've tried have been places where divorced men come to talk about sex. I just don't need that right now. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this.

Kimberly

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
In reply to: kbach
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 3:34pm

{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} Kimberly. You are definitely in the right place. The people who post on this board are terrific, and all are going through the same or similar situation as you are.

I so understand the disappointment and betrayal you are feeling. And to have 2 small children on top of that just makes it more difficult for you. Do you have any family near you, or friends who can help out with child care while you get your teaching certificate? What about social services in your area - is there a support group for parents of special need children? Maybe you can get some help with childcare that way.

You are doing the right thing - looking forward and making plans for your future. We will be here with you whenever you need support or just want to vent. 2006 is going to be a better year for ALL of us!

needtofindpeace

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
In reply to: kbach
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 5:32pm
You and I have a lot in common.I have always dreamed of being a chef but now that i have two little girls to raise on my own,I too am going to school to be a teacher so I can me there for them and have some stability.I love this message board,it has been so helpful.It is so nice to have some support.good luck with everything!
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kbach
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 10:31pm

Welcome Kimberly...

Please feel free to pull up a chair and put your feet up for a while as we sit and chat about the good, bad and the ugly. I'm sorry that you found the need to find us, but I'm glad that you did. I've been here for a while, posting sometimes, lurking othertimes... but what I've found is a tremendously supportive group of people who want to help each other through a life changing experience....

As for me, my xh and I have almost been divorced for two years... I am the proud mommy of a wonderful 4 year old named Joey. My xh moved out of state the week after the divorce was final and rarely (as in once this year) sees our son. I work outside the home and don't know where I'd be without my Mom or my xils, with whom I've managed to remain close to throughout the divorce and its aftermath.

Welcome... there's some hot water on the stove for hot chocolate :)

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
In reply to: kbach
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 7:28am

Kimberly, we have so much in common! My stbx and I have been married 8 years, have 2 dds ages 5 and 2, I have been a stay-home Mommy since my 1st pregnancy and have that awful gap in my resume. I have a Master's degree in education and used to teach English. . . . but I have absolutely no desire to do that again! I'm just not thick-skinned enough to handle all the rudeness from the teenagers or all the flak that comes from parents (no matter what age their kids are) who get mad if you're too hard on their precious babies who can do no wrong! LOL!!!

You have come to a good place. I'm sort of a newbie myself, but I've received nothing but helpful advice and encouragement. Glad you're here!

jujud

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: kbach
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 10:08am
Thanks so much for the welcome. It helps to know that I am not alone during this awful time. My marriage has been up and down and probably this will be the best thing for ME in the long run, I still grieve for my girls. I am angry at him for not being the person he said he would be and angry at me for ignoring the person he is. I know this is all normal. I just look forward to this chapter being over and not having to live in the house with him anymore. Here's hoping for a brighter 2006.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: kbach
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 5:59pm
Hey Kimberly, Sorry you have to join us here, but we are glad to have you. Vent away! You will find your answers, it just takes trial and error. The teaching job sounds good. I wish you the best. May you have a great 2006! Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
In reply to: kbach
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 8:31pm

How well said...

"My marriage has been up and down and probably this will be the best thing for ME in the long run, I still grieve for my girls. I am angry at him for not being the person he said he would be and angry at me for ignoring the person he is."

I can says the same about my marriage...its strange how there can be so many different people from different walks of life but their divorce experiences can be so alike.

That is important to remember...there are a lot of people here who are just like you and me...and they are here to support you

(((hugs)))
Annette

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
In reply to: kbach
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 7:14am

Wow. Angry at him for not being who you hoped he would be and at yourself for ignoring who he is. I can definitely relate to that! I thought my stbx would eventually grow up and be responsible. I thought becoming a daddy would make him grow up. God, I was so wrong!!! So now my 2 DDs are paying the price for that. But, if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't undo those precious babies for anything. . . . I guess I'm starting to see the whole mess as a learning experience, one that is making me stsronger and more self-sufficient.

I go through all kinds of emotions too. Like, at this moment, I'm thinking pretty rationally about it all, but in a couple of hours I may be reminiscing about the fun times or I may be furious about all the bad times. I'm guessing this is normal. I'm also guessing that once he's served and realizes that this divorce is really going to happpen, I'm in for a lot more stress and messy times. So, let's try and keep our eyes on the prize, our eventual peace and contentment when it's all over!