Another Sad week

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Another Sad week
2
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 10:30pm

This week my son went to a day camp at my church that is supposed to teach children character qualities. Half way thru the week he came home with a paper that honestly made me cry. It was just so sad. All I could think is that I should have sent H there for the week.

Here is how it went,

Loyalty
When you have hard times and all others are gone,
I will be there when the troubles have come.
Through sunshine or rain, when no help can be found,
Things may seem hopeless but just look around.

I will be there to the end with you.
I will do my best to be faithful and true.
Through the hardest of days we will choose the right way.
My commitment I will prove, Yes, I will be loyal to you.

It just hit me that H has never been there for me.He has never been my shoulder to cry on and has just always been so cold when I have needed him most. How could he be this way to me for 8 years? H feels no loyalty or commitment and can just turn on people and burn bridges easier than most people could wink an eye. I am very hurt and think of him daily, I know I will always love him unconditionally, but for the last few years I have been thinking that I deserve some one who will love me unconditionally in return. Its hurtful to say, but he does not love me that much.He shows no desire to work on things and the more I bring it up the more he says no. I cant do anything else now but wait for him to file for divorce. I know this sounds very silly, but even though H has been incredibly cruel and mean, I am afraid to face God someday if I am the one who gives up first. I already feel like such a failure and disgrace that my marriage is in this state.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 9:25am

"I cant do anything else now but wait for him to file for divorce. I know this sounds very silly, but even though H has been incredibly cruel and mean, I am afraid to face God someday if I am the one who gives up first. I already feel like such a failure and disgrace that my marriage is in this state. "

Hannah, I don't know what kind of God you worship but my God doesn't intend for me to stay with a cruel and mean man under the guise of "love" -- certainly not in His name.

God gave you free will. He has given you the ability to help yourself when you need to. Don't disrespect these gifts.

Honey, if you file for divorce, it will be a way to put an end to this farce of a marriage you're in. You haven't given up, your husband has - and long ago it sounds like.

It is a shame that your marriage is in this state. But it's not because of you.

You will feel better about yourself when you are no longer his whipping post. Your self-esteem will rise because you used your free will and the gift God gave you to help yourself. God doesn't want you to wait around for the next heapful of pain to be loaded onto you.

It's not just you anymore - you have a kid to think about. Show your child that life can change for the better and make that happen for him. He lives in a house without love - allow him the opportunity to grow up without this pain.

You are not a failure. Do not stay with someone who mistreats you. Marriage is not indentured servitude.

You married your husband and made promises to God that you would do the right things. You have, he didn't. He has broken those vows. He has failed. He lied to God, you didn't.

God doesn't expect you to suffer needlessly by staying with a person who is cruel and mean to you. The devil you live with does, though.

File for a divorce. There is no shame in this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 1:38pm

you are not a failure and God does not expect you to live in pain and hurt , God does not expect you to live with a mean husband who doesn't care for you. marriage should be a two-way street, and you do deserve to be with someone loyal and loving and supportive...