Anti Social Personality Disorder ......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Anti Social Personality Disorder ......
12
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 10:43pm

A freind sent me this, said "I have decided, THIS is M's diagnosis". & man oh man, it PEGS him!


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Therefore, he would be incapable of changing (certainly has been so far). Thoughts of him being able to consider someone else's feelings above his own are impossible (yep, just not even capable. What HE says is the ‘right’ way. I swear, I have NEVER seen anyone who could argue, literally, that blue is red. If HE says it or thinks it, its RIGHT. I cant tell you how many times he has said to someone, about their OPINION, “you are wrong”).

Antisocial Personality Disorder is also known as psychopathy or sociopathy. (interesting, my Mom always said my Dad was a Sociopath) Individuals with this disorder have little regard for the feeling and welfare of others (he has a LOT of feeling & regard for SOME people. Eg” kids, elderly, animals. Surprisingly, his caring for others is what really attracted me to him at 1st – something that reminded me of the “good” in my Dad. But that niceness & caring has to be on his terms, when he feels it – if its not, then he treats you like ***. Its always been amazing to me how he could literally be jumping out of the car to help a little old lady pick up something she dropped, or help a blind man, or help an elderly person in a wheel chair, or be the Dad at Ave’s school who all the kids love & are climbing all over, or stop on the side of the road to try to rescue a hurt animal – YET … he could call the mother of his child a fat fing C, or tell her “shut your hole, b4 I shut if FOR you”.) As a clinical diagnosis it is usually limited to those over age 18. It can be diagnosed in younger people if the they commit isolated antisocial acts and do not show signs of another mental disorder.

Antisocial Personality Disorder is chronic, beginning in adolescence (from what I understand, he HAS been like this since adolescence) and continuing throughout adulthood. There are ten general symptoms:

- not learning from experience (THAT’S an understatement. DUI's in his past - b4 me. & serious threats from me that if he didnt change, i was done)
- no sense of responsibility (& man oh man, so is THAT, an understatement)
- inability to form meaningful relationships (? Nah, he certainly has one with Ave - & HAS in the past with me at times. When he wasn’t crazed. I think there was some ‘normalcy’ & sincerity & he did/does love me to the best of HIS ability – which is pretty much nill - & with a few others. But certainly not what he should with more people he should – like his family. Of course, THEY are all screwed up too)
- inability to control impulses (yeah, like wanting to beat the crap out of me? Or driving 90 mph like a maniac when pissed at me for some ridiculous incident, Or ROAD RAGE if someone cut him off? Or walking off a job b/c something minor pissed him off? Or getting fired for freaking out, & going back later that nite & putting glue in all the locks – vandalizing your bosses business?)
- lack of moral sense (Maybe, but he walks on the moral high ground of course – he is right. & if you don’t agree, you are wrong. Period. Abortion is wrong. No ifs ands of buts. You aren’t Repubican? You are wrong. You FEEL something he doesn’t? You are wrong. You think one type of car is better than the other? You are wrong b/c that’s not what HE thinks)
- chronically antisocial behavior (yep, over & over & over)
- no change in behavior after punishment (for a short while, but it never lasts)
- emotional immaturity (Lord, Highlight this one - & they say that an addict stops maturing emotionally when they take their 1st drink – that would be age 12 for him, sounds about right)
- lack of guilt (Guilt? Why would he feel guilt? He is never wrong)
- self-centeredness ( You mean refusing to work to support his family, then calling his wife a selfish B b/c he cant buy a boat & “all my friends have one”??? Or being furious that his wife, who is supporting the family, wont co-sign a loan, so you go out & get a credit card in your name only? Or your wife has to go to work overnite at 11pm, EXTRA shifts, so YOU can sit on your lazy arse & you don’t show up in time to stay with your child b/c “the guys really wanted me to hang out”. Or your mother dies, & 15 minutes later he is asking your brother, in the next room, how much her house is worth & what will be done with it?)

People with this disorder may exhibit criminal behavior. (almost) They may not work. (Why SHOULD he work when people are “always trying to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 11:59pm
Strangely enough, this sounds a lot like my ex as well! The lack of personal and family responsibility aka.. sporadic work record, refusal to pay child support; drug abuse; self centeredness; lack of guilt, especially for abandoning his kids and moving in with a 21 year old, while scamming over $3000 from me and giving me false hope that he wanted to work things out with me; which he is now saying! (Guess things aren't working out with her as well as he thought they were!); but no reason to feel guilty there!; and the self centeredness that even though I earned the money I sent him, that he was "entitled" to it for all the crap I put HIM through; oh that's rich! No pun intended! Not to mention impulsive, agressive, and definately NOT planning ahead! Everything is also everyone else's fault, never his. And despite all the crap he pulls on everyone else, HE is still the victim; no one else is entitled to feel victimized by him because he is the ONLY victim! Wow no wonder I am relieved that he is gone! lol!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 9:57am
Rebecca, I think my ex has it too. He qualifies under most of the description. I think that is why he just dumped us. He had no feelings about anything, especially me. He is so self centered it is scary. The whole world revolved around him and his needs. If you didn't do it his way you did it wrong. Everyone in the world except him is stupid. Especially me! Hugs,Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 11:18am

Mine too on many of these! In fact when we decided to D we saw his therapist to talk to her about how to tell the kids. He FLIPPED out, screaming at me and mimicking me in front of her. She was so shocked, he'd never behaved like that and he never even told her 1/2 the stuff that was going on. He is also clinically depressed and I wonder if he's bipolar, but the next time he went there (and he almost didnt because he was so embarrassed about it) she told him she thought may have Asperger's syndrome and he fits the profile there too. It's a social disorder.


Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 9:19pm

Hello Karen 2790..... I don't think I've seen you here before (and I apologize if you've been here and I've forgotten....


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 12:15am

Karen, thank you for your feedback. Nasty or not, you have a right to your opinion of me, of my situation, & most *certainly* of my need for therapy &/or medication (wondering what exactly you do for a living that may qualify you to make that assessment, since no one in any position of medical or psychiatric authority has ever labeled or diagnosed me "obsessed" or in need of medication. Quite the opposite in fact.).


If my (& others here) reason for posting on these boards & looking for advice & support wasn’t so important, your post to me would be laughable. I could pretty much care less about your opinion of me, & I have weathered many a storm, & will weather many more, without your "expert" advice. But I worry that other, less vocal members of this board, will now be even less likely to speak out due to the underlying current of sarcasm & anger you exhibited towards me. Hopefully they will realize that "there is always one in the bunch" & this board is here, as it has been for me, with or without a post such as yours.


I have the option to click "ignore" (halleljiua) from now on, just as

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 12:46am

I understand that you weren't trying to be nasty or mean, however, if you aren't trying to be that way, you may want to re-examine how you have

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 12:52am

(((Rebecca)))


I'm so sorry about all of this. It is truly disquieting that someone would take your post that was meant to help others and use it as an opportunity

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 1:03am

Hey Sam - Although i thank you very much for your defense of me (((hugs back!))), i think the only person here who has been humiliated & degraded, is the person who did it to HERSELF.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 7:21am

>>I just hope, as i said to her, that it doesnt make anyone feel less likely to speak out when they need support.<<


This is exactly my fear of how this situation will effect everyone on the board. I just want some of the others who may be new or lurking that this response is far from the loving, thoughtful support that they are likely to receive should they chose to post their feelings here. I also want them to know that if they do receive such harsh critisim that other members of the board will be here to support them. Like you said, there's one in every bunch.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 7:42am
i was wrong and i apologize. you're all right. this board should be a safe place for advice and support.

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