Any Doubts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Any Doubts?
2
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 10:16am
just wondering how many of you here have been thru separation/divorce & after making the decision to leave, had any doubts? technically i'm not making the decision by myself but my husband hasn't totally went thru on his end by getting a court date - he has threatened divorce by contacting a lawyer & having separation papers served quite a few times in our young marriage...each time we were able to work things out, but this last time, i'm finally fed up w/the way that he addresses all our issues around the option of divorce & telling me to leave - we have 3 children, one of which is not biologically his & my financial situation at this point isn't too great (we had twins & i was out of work for over a year)& we've not really been married long enough for me to get too much - alot of everything we had was before marriage... sooooo, it's been really convenient for him to pull this card & i'm finally fed up - each time it's really stressed me out & sent me into a state of "what the hell will i do"...but in regards to this last time, i went ahead & found an apt in my sons same school district that a girl wants to sublease to me for a few months - it's not really big enough for all three kids, but we'll survive for a few mos & it's a start...i would like to say that my husband is begging me to stay, however not quite the case - he actually gave me child support for a few mos. already...it's all so overwhelming - thinking about the changes w/the kids, finances & right now i'm in the midst of trying to start my own business & work - can anyone say OMG - how the hell am i supposed to be able to focus or concentrate & get anything done?! i understand alot of my husbands issues w/me, but really question if i'm cut out for the hard work of marriage...or if we could really create a life together after all that has been done - i still have the desire...but. i think he's been unrealistic about many things, must find more happiness w/in himself & definitely should've given the marriage more time to grow (along w/myself)...so am i saying these things about him b/c he pulled the divorce/leave card again, or am i saying it to myself b/c i have plans to move out on the 17th...hmmmmm...any feedback is greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
In reply to: ivill_laurel
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 12:48pm
Honest opinions here only,,,:) Move out. Let him see that ya know, I dont need to put up with this from you. It is tearing you up, one days the kdis will be old enough to understand all of this and they wont know what to think about dad is acting. Basically a form of emotional abuse because like you said, what is the next card?
I know of people that left and it made their spouse realize they hey she means business.
Financially will be rough for a while, but even if you just need the space to regroup yourself and let him decide what he wants, you have the opportunity to do it now.
Be strong for yourself and your kids, if he wants to work it out, maybe counseling, that never worked in my case but.....
lots of hugzzz..in case your wondering, Im the mother of 5 and am now living with someone but have been divorced 2 times....susie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: ivill_laurel
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 1:10pm

thank you for your post & i agree 100% - my aunt is flying out from california on saturday & i am thinking she will reinforce what you just said...so my decision has truly been made & i'm going to take the opportunity to give him some real time to think about things & myself as well...my time may lead me back to a marriage, or may lead me somewhere totally different - isn't that what makes life fun - haha - if only we could look at it that way at the time :)

Thx again.