Any Happy stories???
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Any Happy stories???
| Tue, 11-21-2006 - 1:36pm |
Since my STBX left me and the kids, I have a hard time picturing myself with another man. I am nowhere ready to start to date, plus my divorce won't be final until March, and I wont date while it's pending. But, I think of my future often. I really want to get married again and possibly have more children, but im very negative about it. I have 2 very young children now, and it's hard picturing them with another man in my life. I know the man will never care about my kids like my STBX did/does. Or maybe he will?? SO, if anyone has any stories about how they met someone and they lived happily ever after, please tell me, so I can get these negative thoughts out of my mind!:)

Kate, when XH and I separated, I couldn't bear to think of being with another man. When people would mention it, I'd get disgusted because I knew what men (one man, at least) were capable of. I wasn't going to put myself in that postion again.
I had my girls and my best friend (a guy)and tons of other friends, so I wasn't really hurting for companionship. After a while, and after hearing all our friends tell us that we should just get married, we started talking about it. We decided that out of everyone in the whole wide world, we'd rather be with each other. It took several months of negotiating and stepping forwards and then backwards, but we're in a comfortable dating place. We're not ready to be completely in the open yet (because of our kids) but we're comfy with things the way they are. His kids are first for him and mine are first for me, as it should be in our minds.
I've stopped saying NEVER to marriage, and started saying WHEN. It feels good! Time doesnt' really heal all wounds, but it definitely helps put them further in the past.
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
Yes! There are happy stories, I swear! Let me start out with the sad part of my story...but we'll end on a very high note :)
I met my XH when I was 19, and had our son when I was 20. From the beginning, we had problems, but I wanted to give my son a decent life with his father involved, and financially, I just wasn't able to do it on my own....or, so I thought at the time. After a few separations and a great deal of anguish, we decided to get married. I know...not the smartest choice! Even on that day, I knew in my heart it was a mistake, but I felt I had to do it for our son.
Needless to say, his behavior only got worse over the years. He was always out out with his friends and chronically overspent. We were always in serious debt even though we had a good joint income. He was self-employed, and at one point, I had about 90% of my check withheld to cover the self-employment taxes he said he couldn't pay, because he had, "other bills." I was a financial hostage while he ate out three meals a day, went to movies, golf, poker, shopping with his friends. He always had plenty of money for clothing and entertainment, while I struggled to buy groceries. The last year of our marriage, he would come home around midnight or later, get up at 6am, and basically never come home. One day, when my son and I were swimming over the summer, he said if he had one wish, he'd wish for his dad to come home. I felt so lonely and depressed, I actually considered suicide. I can't tell you how awful it felt to be rejected over and over again, by someone who was supposed to love me. Then I said, "Wait a second! What's worse for DS....a dead mother, or a divorced one?" The answer was, "a divorced one." I still offered the ex counseling at that point. First session? He canceled for poker. Second session? Golf. The third, he showed up for 20 minutes and left. I'll spare you the gory details of our separation and divorce, but it was ugly!
Needless to say, very shortly after our separation, I started dating a good friend of mine. I had actually known him for a long time, but we had lost touch over the years. He was (and is) generous with his love, attention, and time, he's kind, intelligent, considerate, fun, exciting, sensitive, family-oriented...everything you could want in a man. I never knew happiness like I did when I was with him. It was honestly like living a dream. A few months after my divorce was final, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes! We were married on the beach in October with our close friends and family. It was beautiful...just what I always wanted. And we're going on our honeymoon cruise in December. Yahooo! He is truly my best friend and partner, and I love him with all my heart. If all the pain and suffering I went through in my life brought me to him, it was all worth it....every last second. I can't even begin to describe how much I cherish and adore him, and live in amazement every day that this man chooses to love me. I honestly feel blessed every day of my life. The only issue we have is some random drama with the ex!
Let me tell you, if you'd asked me three years ago if I'd be here today, I'd have laughed at you. But I have been very fortunate. In the end, divorcing my ex was the best decision I ever made. You can go on to have happiness. I truly believe it.
Hi Kate,
My advice? Don't give a single thought to another man in your life right now. Get busy and take care of yourself and your children. My other suggestion: Get out and do something you've always wanted to do or haven't done in a long time. What is your passion? Go find others who enjoy doing the same thing. There you will find new friends and healing.
It takes time to heal from a divorce and time to find yourself. Take it!
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I have learned alot about myself through counseling and going through my own divorce. And while I would love to meet another man that I could get married too that is not the be all and end all for my life to be considered happy. I no longer define my happiness on whether or not a man is attached to me.
My life is very happy, I'm single, I have a great life, if I never get married again to anyone I'm okay with that because I've had some great relationships since my divorce and I love the person that I am now as opposed to the person I was within my marriage and I wouldn't trade that for anything, I wouldn't take back being "married" just to be married, I am much happier with my life now.
Now would I like to meet a wonderful man and settle down, sure. But I'm perfectly happy with or without that happening.
So that's my happy story and it doesn't include me being married. Sorry if this dissapoints you.
Smile,
Deirdre