Any lurkers out there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Any lurkers out there?
6
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 9:54am
Hello, lurkers! ;) I know I read this board for a couple of months before I actually decided to chime in. I kind of felt like I was peeking around a corner to see what was going on. Please feel free to introduce yourself and ask any questions you'd like.




How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 10:15am

Hi Christine!

PG and you already know one another.

At the moment, I'm finishing up the last mug of coffee, watching the morning sunlight stream in through the skylight window, and trying to decide if I want do any travelling today...or get an early start on my Summer tan?

Wimpy...my 13-year young border collie...has already started on hers! She was outside before 9AM this morning!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 1:21pm

Oh for the dog's life to bask in the sun :-)


I actually start on


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 9:21pm

Hey there,
I've lurked here for a long time, and although I've only posted a few times, this board has given me lots of support and helpful advice. I guess now I'm a divorce survivor, and stop in here for inspiration and to see how others are coping. I didn't have many of the issues that most of the posters here have, so I didn't post much.

Ex and I get along now that we are financially separated, and neither of us pay CS or alimony. I earn more than my ex, and our DD was 14 at the time I filed in 2003 (though divorcing was his idea years before. I got fed up with his fence sitting and I filed because I was sick of being a married-single parent because he was only home a few hours a week. NOT a marriage IMHO.) I waived CS and he waived alimony, so we only had financial issues to solve. I kept the house and he kept the land we supposedly were going to build on, so that was a wash. He didn't really ask for parenting time since DD has a busy teen's schedule and he worked so much he basically lived at work or friends' homes in town, the same situation as when we were married (my house has a 45 min commute, and he might get 4hr breaks between his shifts.) He didn't have much time or a place for her. He still sees her at her school or sports events, and comes by my house and sees her (I let him because he's supposed to help finish some repairs/remodeling).

But now I sort of feel like I'm in limbo all over again, and come to this board for inspiration. My ex had a few wake up calls including a job loss, and major motorcycle accident which he recouperated from at my house, during our divorce. These put everything on hold each time. He had no income and I thought that his time off of work would make him realize what he would be losing. I had to proceed with the divorce and separate our finances due to his overspending/debts, and finalized the divorce June 2005. But these wake up calls have brought him back closer to who he who he was when we first married.

Ok, this post got pretty long for a lurker, LOL! But that's my long story in a nutshell. This board was priceless in helping me realize that marriage is a two way street, and I was trying to be in a marriage by myself. So why prolong the inevitable. I was just legally attached by someone who abandoned me and was about to spend us out of house and home.

I hope everyone here is able to find their peace with whatever they have been given to deal with.

KC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 3:30am

Hi KC!

Pianoguy thinks there are many definitions for the word: PEACE!

But living your life with as little stress as possible seems to be everybody's desire, don't you think?

While I can honestly go 'on record' saying that reconciliation WASN'T something I desired in either of my 2 marriages, it's entirely possible that the situation MIGHT be different in your case? I've seen previously married couples who realized that they were actually HAPPIER---when they were together!

But when they made the choice to "try again"---they realized that they'd have to work together AS A COUPLE in order to keep their "2nd time around" union---solid!

So why not give yourself some time? If a reconciliation with your husband is TRULY in the cards, it'll happen! Then again...there's always the possibility of connecting with a man whose mannerisms and behavior are more compatible to your own?

Pianoguy


Avatar for cmckinn
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 10:17am

Hi Christine, Karen, and everyone at the Surviving Divorce board! I've been lurking here a couple of months and have posted a few times. I thought I'd take this chance to introduce myself.

I've been married almost 20 years now (that's hard to believe!) and after several unhappy years, have decided to divorce my husband. I have no traumatic story, like an affair or anything like that. Basically our long term goals in life are very different and his have changed over time, our interests are very different and he never wants to do things I want to do. He's pretty unstable. In the time we've been married, he's held a lot of jobs, got fired from two, quit from two or three of them with no new job in the works, and had two businesses. The last business has required a huge financial investment and he never even told me he was considering doing it! He has run us into the ground financially. He spends all of his time at the business and never spends time with me or our two boys. I've gradually gotten more and more fed up. My kids are really into sports and of the almost 70 games they've played in the last year, he's only been to about 7 or 8 of them. To me that is unforgivable. My son made the all stars in baseball and he never even showed up for the all stars game!! My son was crushed and what was I supposed to say to make him feel better? I can't believe he put me in that position. He also has several alcoholics in his family and I feel he's bordering on alcoholism too. He seems to care more about drinking on the weekends than being with his family. As you can tell, I'm very bitter. After I started the divorce proceedings in January, I've been finding out more and more things about him, from both him and other people I know, that make me more sure that I'm doing the right thing.

I'm feeling great about my decision. I've been so unhappy for so long that starting the proceedings was a very freeing process. He says he'll be good and that he'll pay child support and that he wants to stay on good terms. I hope that's true.

In the meantime, I'm leaning on my family for emotional support and loving my kids. Thanks for letting me vent. I check the board almost every day and find that the people here are incredible.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 1:14pm

And we're happy to have you among the ranks of the "incredible", Carole! ;-)

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~