Any Regrets after Divorce?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Any Regrets after Divorce?
14
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 2:20pm

I have been legally divorced for 3 months now; we've been apart for 8.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 5:44pm
Your Sadness is because Divorces are sad. You wanted the divorce instead of working at the marriage. You made it lose lose instead of win win. You see there are only a few reason to divorce and the ones you gave were not good reasons to divorce. You should have worked at it. I guess you reap what you sew.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 6:20pm

For what its worth, I think what you are going through is a completely normal experience following a divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 8:11pm
Hi Ash
I'm not divorced yet, but my STBX shows me daily about why I can't go back to him. Although it's comforting to focus on the positive things in the relationship (for me it always goes back to the kids), there is a reason we are leaving/have left our X's. Sounds like you have given it a great deal of thought, as I have, and you don't need to second guess yourself!! Believe in yourself, and also in your strength..and in case you need a gentle reminder...this forum is here to support you!! These are a great group of women (and a few men!) who have been an amazing support to me and a ton of other women/men. Keep us posted, and don't be afraid to vent..we all do ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 9:06pm

Thanks anthgrl and horseanddoglover for your responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2007
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 12:03am

you are SO right to be insulted by the things that szasz99 wrote, especially because no matter how many times i read them, they can only be interpreted as offensive to those who are trying to survive the constant sting that is getting divorced.

we are in very very similar situations, if you're into cathartic writing i suggest blogging. it's what i do, and it helps me to be able to look back and see the hard times and the happy times so that i can face what is currently at hand.

divorce is painful, let's try not to go through it alone.








life isn't always by the book....


http://life-by-the-book.blogspot.com



life isn't always by the book....
http://life-by-the-book.blogspot.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 2:51am

Hi,

I'm sorry to read your second guessing yourself. But it's natural. Just don't forget that there had to be good, well thought out, deep running issues that made the split necessary.

My husband and I have been miserable for the last 2 and a half years of our 6 year marriage. We just focused on the good times. We've just realized that we need to divorce so that we can be happier on our own. I've been miserable in Southern CA, missing my family and friends back east in Brooklyn,NY and Central NJ. Luckily we don't have kids but it's scary to start over at 30. I also think about his happiness too.

Actually, the lack of sex on his part is one of our tension points. He couldn't have sex if he wasn't emotionally there and I tend to feel that sex is a marital obligation. I don't mind having sex unless I'm seriously physically sick, not just having a headache. I brought this up over 3 or 4 months of marriage counseling. Our therapist actually thought it was humorous because we were one of the only couples whose masculine/feminine natures were somewhat reversed. I'm not very emotional, I don't cry very easily.

The regret and what-ifs will fade away.

I look forward to eventually moving back east and not being serious with anyone for a good 1 or maybe 2 years. It is scary to think about being being 35 or 36 until I might find someone to settle down with again and hopefully have a child with. I've always wanted to have one child (I come from a line of only children, I loved it).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 8:48am

Hi Ash,


I think everyone has those times when they look back and wonder "what if."

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 11:05am

Hello everyone,


This is a reminder about our Terms of Service (TOS http://www.ivillage.com/help/tos.html) and Rules of Play (http://www.ivillage.com/boards/0,,b46m,00.html). Please remember to address other members on the message boards with the same respect you would appreciate in return.

_________________________________________________


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2008
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 1:54pm
Beautifully said....what you wrote sums up everything...for me at least...thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 9:58am

It is totally normal to have a period of time where you second-guess the divorce. Even though I was miserable in my first marriage, I went through this phase, too.


Now, in retrospect, I have one regret about the divorce - that I didn't do it sooner. I am in a much better place now, and I regret I spent all of those years so unhappy.

Pages