Anybody in California dealing with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Anybody in California dealing with this?
5
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 7:55pm
I found out last Sunday that my husband of 18 years is having an affair with a family friend. He's, apparently, vacationed with her and our three children and he invited her to our home where I served her dinner the night before I found out. Now I've kicked him out and found an attorney. I don't meet with him until Monday but from what I'm hearing, the courts aren't going to care that he cheated or take that into account with custody. Also, he seems to think that I should go to work full time so that he won't pay as much child support. I'm a nurse and have only worked one day a week for the last 12 years. That money has kept our kids in private school. Has anyone had experience with the courts in CA? Will the cheating not matter at all? Will his child support be decreased because I could work more? Our youngest is 4 and won't be in school full time for 2 1/2 years and I'm the only one who's taken care of the kids. He works 60 hours a week and is only available on the weekends.
I'd appreciate any input,
Theresa

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 8:02pm
Hi Theresa -
I'm in CA and the laws here are screwy!!! Unforunately, in our state, you can't stipulate "adultry" on the papers. It's simply classifed as "irreconsilable differences". Keep a log though! It may help in winning custody. Continue to be the best mom you can be! Maybe if you can prove that child care expenses won't be covered by an increase in your work load, that could hold some sway???
Best of luck!
- JD

- J. Darling

Singehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/JDarling/Headshots/Picture001.jpgr, Songwriter, Author for Celebr

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 9:12pm

Hi, I am not from Ca. but I am from Maryland which is a no fault state. My first husband cheated on me but since we were in a no fault state he was entitled to 1/2 of everything, even the house. The only thing I could get b/c of the adultry was a faster divorce. In Maryland for irreconsilible difference you have to be seperated for a year in different residences before filling for divorce. Good luck if Ca is a no fault state, cheating won't get you anything. My ex even took my son when we were still married, and living togethor and me having no knowledge of the affair, over to his girlfriends house to play with her daughter while he and her had fun.

I hope this was some help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 9:15pm

I'm in CA - my ex-H cheating didn't matter at all. I was in divorce care for awhile (a faith-based program) and unfortunately 2 of the women who were SAHM were told by the court to make themselves marketable because alimony would only be given for a set amount of time.

As far as custody goes - I had an attorney - my ex-H couldn't afford one so my attorney stipulated 80/20.

I'm sorry - but unfortunately sometimes the bad guy appears to win - but in the long run you are well rid of the cheating louse.....

Please get the best attorney you can - hopefully you have a good one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 12:36pm

Hi Theresa.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 10:44pm
Thanks for the info. I agree with your position but my attorney said that if I lump it into child support that my spineless ex can just wait three months and then re-petition the courts based on the child support being out of range. The court will lower it to the "formula" amount and I won't be able to petition to restore spousal support because I initially accepted little/none. My ex is slimy enough to do that so I'm going to stick to the safe side and fork over the taxes. On a weird note it appears that my husbands girlfriend (the one that caused this divorce) is in the process of getting him a much better paying job out of state. That will mean that I'll get more child support and he'll be 3000 miles away. I'm not sure it can get any better than that.
Theresa