I think pretty much everyone has second thoughts when it comes to getting a divorce. No one feels one way about something all of the time, your feelings change. I saw something in your post that caught my attention. You said that emotionally you want to stay married, logically you don't. Girl, it's time to think with your head right now, not your heart..so go with that logical thinking!!!! Words don't signal a change, ACTIONS do. My STBX will occasionally decide that he wants to be a grown-up and act like a father to his boys. So, he calls me up and goes on and on about all this stuff that he's going to do and all the things that he's changing. But, it's that whole follow-through thing that he never gets to. It sounds like your H is the same way. As my dad always says, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Sweetie, he's cheating on you, openly. He's refusing to stop seeing this other woman, yet wants to reconcile with you. Aren't you worth so much more than that??? I saw your precious little girl in your picture there (she is BEAUTIFUL!!!). Think about her. What are you teaching her by your actions? I know that she's young, but there's a good possiblity that she'll find out about it later in life. My aunts love to tell me about things like that (only recently found out that my paternal grandfather had three wives and children with all of them!!).
Wanna know what made me finally get it through my head that my STBX was no good for me? I asked myself: If my very best friend was in this situation and came to me for help, what advice would I give to her? What would I hope that she would do? It was only then that it finally clicked in my brain how illogical it was for me to stay with a man that was hurtful to me.
yes, what you are going thru is normal, par for the course. i remember some of the thoughts that i was going thru at the time (and i was the one who initiated the divorce), i remember thinking that i know that i need to be divorced from this man ---- but i didn't want to go thru a divorce (again... it was a second marriage for me).
what helped me IMMENSELY was going to therapy. my therapist helped me thru the process, it was in her office that i was able to articulate for the first time that i really didn't love my then-husband, i was able to work thru the important issues, and by-pass the irrelavent ones. have you thought about therapy?
yeah i've been talking to a therapist on the phone... h's company covers that free... and my pastor and i'm seeing a counselor at my school next week... yeah i initiated the divorce because of the cheating, and i still feel very conflicted. i know that he probably isn't the best match for me anyway, and i am no longer in love with him. but i still love him. i am feeling better about things today. yesterday was just a tough day for me.
Summer, I'm glad to hear you're feeling better today.
I had the same up and down emotions... the same internal conflicts. I found that the fastest way for me to end the turmoil (or at least lessen it) was to go NC. It was the hardest things I did (even harder than filing for divorce) but it was the healthiest thing I have done concerning this entire ordeal.
Summer, Just try to take it one day at a time and work your way through the grief process. Let yourself grieve...grieve for what you used to have and what you wish you could have. But I'm sure you're not grieving for your current marriage. I know I grieved for what I hoped to have in my marriage. I've moved to the final stage, but it's still so hard. My STBX is in the intensely emotional stage and just wants to keep blaming me and being angry. Remove yourself from your husband and try not to listen to his empty promises. He showed you his true self, more than once. As women, we sometimes think men will change (after marriage), but they really don't. They probably become more complacent and unwilling to work on the marriage. Keep going to counseling by yourself. Your counselor can help you sort through your feelings and give you some advice. My advice to you is get a GOOD attorney, save up some money (hide it), make copies of financial papers, and keep records of everything (phone bills, e-mail, household expenses, etc.) Prepare yourself! I can tell you're an intelligent, caring, pretty lady with a beautiful child. You have a lot going for you. Hang in there! Jo Anne
I think pretty much everyone has second thoughts when it comes to getting a divorce. No one feels one way about something all of the time, your feelings change. I saw something in your post that caught my attention. You said that emotionally you want to stay married, logically you don't. Girl, it's time to think with your head right now, not your heart..so go with that logical thinking!!!! Words don't signal a change, ACTIONS do. My STBX will occasionally decide that he wants to be a grown-up and act like a father to his boys. So, he calls me up and goes on and on about all this stuff that he's going to do and all the things that he's changing. But, it's that whole follow-through thing that he never gets to. It sounds like your H is the same way. As my dad always says, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Sweetie, he's cheating on you, openly. He's refusing to stop seeing this other woman, yet wants to reconcile with you. Aren't you worth so much more than that??? I saw your precious little girl in your picture there (she is BEAUTIFUL!!!). Think about her. What are you teaching her by your actions? I know that she's young, but there's a good possiblity that she'll find out about it later in life. My aunts love to tell me about things like that (only recently found out that my paternal grandfather had three wives and children with all of them!!).
Wanna know what made me finally get it through my head that my STBX was no good for me? I asked myself: If my very best friend was in this situation and came to me for help, what advice would I give to her? What would I hope that she would do? It was only then that it finally clicked in my brain how illogical it was for me to stay with a man that was hurtful to me.
yes, what you are going thru is normal, par for the course. i remember some of the thoughts that i was going thru at the time (and i was the one who initiated the divorce), i remember thinking that i know that i need to be divorced from this man ---- but i didn't want to go thru a divorce (again... it was a second marriage for me).
what helped me IMMENSELY was going to therapy. my therapist helped me thru the process, it was in her office that i was able to articulate for the first time that i really didn't love my then-husband, i was able to work thru the important issues, and by-pass the irrelavent ones. have you thought about therapy?
yeah i've been talking to a therapist on the phone... h's company covers that free... and my pastor and i'm seeing a counselor at my school next week... yeah i initiated the divorce because of the cheating, and i still feel very conflicted. i know that he probably isn't the best match for me anyway, and i am no longer in love with him. but i still love him. i am feeling better about things today. yesterday was just a tough day for me.
summer
Summer, I'm glad to hear you're feeling better today.
I had the same up and down emotions... the same internal conflicts. I found that the fastest way for me to end the turmoil (or at least lessen it) was to go NC. It was the hardest things I did (even harder than filing for divorce) but it was the healthiest thing I have done concerning this entire ordeal.
You're in my thoughts,
bbalm