anyone else having trouble telling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
anyone else having trouble telling?
9
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 10:20pm

Hi, all. I'm in the middle of my divorce right now, and I'm having a really hard time telling people we're getting divorced. My family and closest friends know, but some of my other acquaintances still don't know. Also, almost no one that I work with knows. I still wear my ring at work, and I'm having the hardest time taking it off. I never wear it on the weekends or when I'm away from work. It makes me feel like a fraud to wear it, but I'm worried about the questions I might get if I stop wearing it.

I know this divorce is the absolute right thing for me and my son, but I can't get past the stigma of it. I don't judge other people I know who are divorced, so why do I have such a problem with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 12:32am

Well, it probably has something to do with emotions... and the workplace.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 1:46pm
I understand you. I am a year past divorce finalization and I still don't tell people when they ask how my husband is doing. I just say fine. I am so embaressed to admit that I failed at the marriage. I wish you the best.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 8:09pm

Thanks for the reply. I think you hit the nail on the head with the failure. Divorce is having to admit failure in a very public way, which is really, really hard.

Best of luck to you, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 9:40pm
Im sorry that you are having a hard time..just remember that you need to let people only if and when you are comfortable. It is a lot easier letting people know, because the stigma has gone down considerably. If it makes you feel better, just keep it simple and appear mutual..even if its not...it will be the appearance of being a mature joint decision rather than a "he says she says" battle. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 8:54pm
It is totally normal to feel guilty about getting divorced. People always ask why and that's a really hard thing to answer when you're so raw and in pain. Do it when you're ready. You might cry when someone does. That's ok too.
It might be helpful to have a rehearsed answer ready. Maybe something like, "I know it's a shock, it was to me too" or "yes, I'm getting divorced, but it's a little hard to talk about it right now" or whatever's appropriate for you.
I know it is incredibly hard. There were times where I literally thought I would die if one more weight was dropped on me.
If it helps, I now (3 yrs later) can honestly say my divorce was the worst and best thing that ever happened to me.
I wish you the best.
Beckie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 5:06pm
We are just separating for the time being. I don't think my husband will wear his ring. I still want to wear mine. I get a strange feeling of security from it. I figure for right now, I can wear the ring, God knows I've earned it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 7:49pm
Yep, you do what you feel comfortable with. If he's not wearing his ring, that's probably a sign of what he really feels, so you need to consider that, but you keep yourself healthy (in this case comforted) however you need to.
Beckie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 8:19am

When I told people I was greeted with hugs and a the words that was about time and good for you. So good luck!!

themedswede.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 5:00pm
I still struggle. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to share or sick of hearing it and want to just hear how someone else's life is going. Surprisingly I have several who tell me they're not surprised. Funny how some see it before you do.