Anyone else think THEY were going crazy?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 03-06-2006 - 6:33pm |
For the past 3 years I have had the WORST anxiety. One really bad panic attack and many, many minor ones. All the symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was put on meds and even visited the Anxiety board here on ivillage.
I am slowly coming to realize that HE WAS THE ONE MAKING ME FEEL CRAZY!!! All those times he would stay out all night, not answer his phone and roll in at 6 am. All those times I would BEG him to spend quality time with me and not take me for granted. He would agree and then never follow through. The list goes on....
I wasn't crazy. Especially the last seven months when I REALLY thought I was losing it. All the time he was cheating on me and denying it to my face. Swearing on his family that he wasn't and I believed him, apologized and thought I was going crazy.
I got some great advice today: Do not let his horrible behavior constitute my self-worth. There is nothing wrong with me. I was not a sucker, naive, or crazy. He's the terd. Well, that last part I added :)

Oh....my....gosh. I can not believe I am actually reading someone else who had the SAME thing happen!
I started having panic attacks about 6 years ago. For a while, I was on medication and barely functional. So I know how terrifying and awful it can be. I also went through periods of time feeling very depressed. I had convinced myself I was totally nuts, and it was all my fault, etc. Even though my friends told was letting myself be driven nuts by my marriage, I just couldn't see it. I felt it was all MY fault.
I think we put up with enough for long enough. It's OUR turn now :)
Justiceandtruth,
My friends also hinted that it may be my husbands behavior and lack of respect that was causing my anxiety. Not that our relationship was ALL bad, but bad enough to make me feel like sh**. "Some" disrespect is too much. NO ONE deserves to be treated like I was, I alwasy just tried to be a better wife and thought things would get better. It didn't, so I thought I was going nuts and couldn't live without him.
Now I am realizing I am better off without him. Not toally there yet, but I will be!!!
What an incredible realization to make... that it never was you in the first place...
and what great advice you received... 100% on target!
*hugs*
Julie
I was driving down the road one day, missed my turn, and muttered "some times I think I'm losing my mind".... and then, I hear a little voice in the back seat, my then- 8 year old daughter, saying "mom, some times I think you already have."
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Well, not exactly crazy. I have a family history of depression and alcoholism, so It really was not a surprise when I started struggling. When my youngest was two, I finally asked my Dr for some Prozac. The difference was night and day!
I truly believe that if I had started on the prozac sooner, my marriage would have been better. I also believe that if my STBX had been more supportive of my struggle in the first place, my marriage would have been better. I don't blame him for the depression, I blame him for assuming htat I blamed him for it which put him on the defensive.
It was just never a healthy dynamic.
I'm hoping that once we are divorced I'll be able to wean down my dosage. But I believe I will take it for the rest of my life.
Susie