Anyone enjoy being single?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Anyone enjoy being single?
15
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 10:20am

I am married, we are in counseling, have children- (been together almost 20 years)

I enjoy ANY time that I can be alone, nice and quiet and peaceful. I love for the kids and DH to go out to dinner without me.

I think it would be fine to be divorced and share custody-

Are there any people who divorced and really enjoy the new freedom?

Or is everyone lonely and miserable?

eve

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 11:29am

The grass always seems greener on the other side. So be careful. I just ended my second marriage. I was widowed for 8 years. I had become comfortable with my life. My kids were grown and in college. I thought I was ready to be a wife again. After 5 years and major problems and his major issues, we ended it this week. I couldn't wait for him to leave. To not have the stress of him not working and too much drinking and serious health issues.
I think being married to the right person for the right reasons is a good thing. Being single and happy with your life is very possible. Lots of people are doing it. Maybe you guys just need some activities apart from each other. How long have you been in counseling? There is a lot to consider. Back to your question. Right now I'm thinking I'm lonely, not necessarly miserable. But I know that this was the right decision for me and I'll be happier. My husband will also be happier being back where he came from. I hope to be good friends with him.

Loulou

Mommaloulou

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 12:20pm

Eve, I think LouLou gave you some good advice. It's one thing for your husband to take the kids for the evening and give you some alone time. Sounds great! But would you really be happy if you knew they weren't coming back that night? Also, have you stopped to think that while divorcing and sharing custody might be "fine" for *you*, it might not be so "fine" for your kids?

I'm glad you're in counseling. You're doing the right thing. There's certainly nothing wrong with enjoying (and even craving) your time alone, but be careful what you wish for.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 12:38pm

I don't mind it.

It took a little while to get used to, but these days I enjoy it. I typically have the kids 4-5 days of the week, ex-H has them mostly on the weekends, allowing me to go on dates or out with friends, or sometimes nice quiet time.

I'm not an advocate for divorce per se, but I do sometimes think that the time I have with the kids is more quality time since I don't see them every single day. Their dad agrees.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 7:15pm

Hi Eve..

Being alone sucks. but you know what? there is worse, that that is to be with someone you don't want to be with.

Do not second guess your decisions on the ground of fear of loneliness. Yes, there is plenty of that on the planet of divorced wives - but at least you are back in the game. If the game will be successful or not, who knows - but you get to play.

It isn't fun to be alone. No. but you know... life goes on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 12:18am
I guess I am not completely single yet. We are separated legaly but I am still in the house we lived in and getting most of his pay. It will change soon ! I do enjoy being single for now. My husband is in the military so it isn't a big change for me as he has been gone many times for extended period of time. I do feel peace however in not having to worry about him and what he does or doesn't do. I loved my husband dearly (married only once for 15 years) and still do but he has cheated way too many times and he is now being told he may be bipolar. Living with him, in his world, was very emotionaly draining and so now I am way less stress. I had time to come down to this state of mind but it took a long time and being alone isn't always fun, nobody to help you with the kids at the end of a long day, nobody to talk to when you are down, nobody to hold you and tell you, you are special..It is better to be single if you aren't happy in your mariage but like others said be careful what you wish for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 11:36am
I am totally loving the personal time and dating that comes with being single but, it is a double edged sword because, I have to turn my kids over to my stbxh and the filthy whore he is shacked up with. I really don't want my kids around her. They are too good for it but, sadly, I have no way to save them from the skankyness of the situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 11:55am

It's more difficult financially in some ways, but in my case it would have been me taking care of everything anyway because he's self employed. His business account still has my mailing address so I know he's bouncing checks with his checking account. I'm fortunate enough to have a good paying job.

I work 3 twelve hour shifts so I work during his days to have the kids and am completely off when I have them and I have every other weekend to myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 12:03pm

Very much now. At first no, cuz I foolishly got involved in a new realtionship right away. Now I am just chillin, hanging with my friends and causally dating whne I have time

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 12:25pm
I have no children on this end but I sure do enjoy being single I recently started to date a nicer man after 1 yr of my divorce I am not going to lie its emotinally draining to be divorced it takes a lot out of you but if you want more time for yourself for you are allow to do that tell your husband that tell him to take the kids out to a movie or dinner my mom was allowed to have her time by herself and my parents are still together 38 yrs this May 1st but 41 yrs since they have been together - good luck !

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:35pm

Actually.... when I know that my kids are safe and happy... I really and truly do enjoy my time without them.


When I was married, unless I was at work, I never even ran to the grocery store without at least one kid.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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