Anyone enjoy being single?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Anyone enjoy being single?
15
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 10:20am

I am married, we are in counseling, have children- (been together almost 20 years)

I enjoy ANY time that I can be alone, nice and quiet and peaceful. I love for the kids and DH to go out to dinner without me.

I think it would be fine to be divorced and share custody-

Are there any people who divorced and really enjoy the new freedom?

Or is everyone lonely and miserable?

eve

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 6:00pm

Eve,


I echo the sediment "the grass is always greener...." and would encourage you to look at WHY you think you'd be better off single?


Very often in marriage each spouse gives up a part of themselves to be partners. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, that leads to one spouse (or both) resenting the other. I think much of the time that resentment isn't intentional but its an outcome of long neglected needs we have within ourselves.


So here's my question. Whose to say you can't enjoy doing things by yourself within your marriage? Whose to say you haven't reached a point in your marriage and child-rearing that will allow you to be more independent and individual?


I would encourage you to stay in marriage counseling for the duration. It's not a quick fix and very, very often it reveals very difficult and challenging issues for both people.


I'd also encourage you to find ways to express yourself and enjoy your own sense of individualism within your marriage. Surely you husband may also long for some of this type of expression too? (I bet if you asked it would be yes.)


In the meantime, how can you enjoy your own independence within the marriage? What does that mean to you? Returning to school? Starting

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 11:57pm
I very much enjoy the newfound freedom. I miss my kids desperately when they're gone on the weekends, but I get so much done during that time that it flies by. I've reconnected with my friends and family, and more importantly, myself! I am very glad to me moving into a new phase of life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 1:13pm

Hi everyone-
I just want to say thanks for all the great responses- I understand the grass is greener thing- and am trying to be sure of what I want-
It's tough as we all know-
I just -hmm..its stressful- confusing- I just want to be me and be mom- I don't want to be a wife, does anybody know what I mean? The only other person I want to take in to consideration are my kids and thats it.
Its been a daily struggle within me for almost a year I guess-
(and counseling since beginning of this year).

But thanks to all of you-
alot of helpful information-

eve

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 1:53pm
Eve, I am as lonely and miserable as I can be. I've been alone now for two years. I haven't been on one date. I miss spending everyday with my children. I miss being able to go to their sporting events because I have to work. I miss the money that my husband made. I make less than half of what he did. Most months I am short. I miss my husband (ex husband now). I miss the companionship, love, security I had. I truely would make a deal with the devil to get my old life back. Sorry this is so bleak, but this is how I see single life. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2006
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 3:46pm

For what it is worth...When DH and I were married 8 years with no kids I decided I was unhappy and wanted out. We had grown apart due to his working a lot and me wanting to go do things with friends because he didn't have time to go and do. I thought being single and able to try new experiences sounded like great fun. We went through counseling but of course it didn't help because I had made up my mind. So I moved out for three months. I kept going back and forth about wanting to move on or give our marriage another try so we decided that for 6 months we would really put effort into our relationship, spend time doing things together, take some trips, etc. If we weren't happy after that time we would end it. It was a hard thing to do. At first it was very forced, but after a while we found our way back to each other. Now 5 years later we have a four month old son who I get to stay at home with, a beautiful new home and an exciting future which we look forward to. Getting out is the easy way to go. If your DH is abusive or has alcohol/drug issues I would say move on. If he is a good man and a good father and a good husband, think about giving it an honest effort. Find some things that you enjoy together or think about why you were together in the first place.

It is easy to imagine that there is some perfect man out there for you, but maybe he's the man that you already have. Good luck!

leah.png picture by leahwilliams2002


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