Anyone faced a Custody Hearing w/o ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Anyone faced a Custody Hearing w/o ?
2
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 1:15pm

Just wondering if there is anyone here who has lost their lawyer part-way through the divorce process, and not been able to find another? I am two weeks away from our Temporary Custody Hearing. Cannot continue to afford my lawyer. I did try to discuss alternative payment arrangements, but he cannot accept any. He has known my financial situation obviously all along; I am in shock that he will not at least stay through to the temporary custody hearing:o( . I had to go in and sign something called a Substitution form on Friday.
Stbx has money, family business though is in his parents name, the 'family' trust etc. I have never been after his or his families money; just wanted my life back. He was ordered to pay child support last month...with wages garnished, but has given me the money in small amounts at a time, in cash, making me sign papers for it. He gave me the final payment for the month of March in the third week of this month. Now so far I have received one-fourth of this months support. I did get the forms from the DA's office to get child support help, but they said he must be a full 30 days behind before I can apply.

I am sorry to sound like I am whining; I hate sounding so helpless; I can't think very clearly it feels like. The plans B and C I had are not working. And I am beginning to lose my ability to keep on. We have five children, four through fifteen. They are the greatest, and I so love them. Maybe love just isn't going to be enough. So far, I have called dozens of lawyers; and spoke to some very kind ones, but none will take my case. And a paralegal is not allowed to handle a divorce in my state, except for submitting forms to the court, etc. Because we have been assigned a monthly Child Support Order, I cannot qualify for the Legal Aid available for low income residents of our county.

I have enough money left to pay the basic utilities and the rent for this next month only ( alittle cash, but living on credit cards.) I have not been able to get a job yet for a couple of reasons. 1.) One of the underlying reasons for the breakup of our relationship is that my stbx is so against public schooling and does not want 'his' children in the local public schools. The judge made the decision that the children would be less upset if I kept homeschooling til the Temporary Custody hearing (if I did not accept my stbx and his parents were going to seek permission to do that which would have meant I did not get full physical custody during that interim.) 2.) Two years ago, when one of our little ones was diagnosed with Autism, we made a decision to stop vaccinations on all of our children for a time, because there is some research leaning towards a connection between vaccinations and the onset of Autism within certain families - not necessarily that shots cause the Autism, but that there may be a sort of 'trigger' from preservatives or some ingredients in certain vaccinations. Since stbx has joint legal with me during this interim, he would not/will not allow me to go forward with the boosters for the vaccinations. Most child care centers and even daycare providers either require, or strongly want full vaccinations of enrolled kids. I do not have any family, and am having a tough time with child care even for the court-related dates, as I am sure some of you other moms and dads also face.

It takes six months for a divorce in California if it is uncontested, who knows how long when there is a custody fight. I was told by my lawyer from the beginning and most everyone I have met or talked with, that although the legal atmosphere in California is more progressive supposedly than many other states, still the mother has a better chance of getting physical custody, unless she has serious issues such as illegal drug use, prostitution etc. But I am beginning to realize it is all about money. He has it, I don't yet. I so love my children, but I couldn't stay with him any longer. I was trying to make it work til the youngest made it to first grade; I just couldn't. I have spent most of these months since I asked for the divorce in December, trying to be positive and loving when with my kids. I tell them to give him hugs and to enjoy their time together, that he loves them very much as I do. I offered him 50-50 parenting from the beginning. He forbids divorce because of his religious beliefs. Since he cannot stop it, he decided to countersue for full custody. They have talked about moving the family business out of state for over 14 years, never making any real decisions. But now he and his parents have decided to move the family business to another state, so our divorce case is no longer a 'no fault' type, but rather is called a 'Move Away' case. Which I think means in which one or the other will get full legal and full physical custody with the non-custodial hoping for reasonable visitation I guess, in summer and on some holidays.

I will keep making calls to lawyers, but I don't think anyone is going to accept my case. I am not sure even what to do in regards to the upcoming hearing. How does it work if he shows up with a lawyer and I do not have one? They put me on the stand and I have to answer whatever he asks? Am I allowed to choose not to answer things, or what happens if I totally just start crying and can't talk? This all sounds so trivial probably, but I know so little. I have read lots of library books, on the net and such, but everything is pretty general. I haven't met any one or know any friends who have gone through a custody battle or a 'trial'; everyone I know worked out the parenting stuff pretty much between themselves -- all my friends fought about the property stuff, but not so much the custody issues.

I guess I will call the Superior Court and see if I can leave a message with the staff or clerk who works for the Judge we are going before. It seems like he would want to be aware if one side or the other doesn't have legal representation. Though, I do not really need a delay since I won't be able to pay for a lawyer anymore in three or four weeks than I am able to now.

The court-ordered 730 Family Psychological Eval is almost complete. While I have no inkling how the doctor's overall opinion is, and he has interviewed the stbx like 9 times, and only asked me in 3 times so far. He has been really super with my children and I am thankful for that. They did not seem to be greatly stressed by interviewing and talking with him several times each in different situations. I had been really worried about that additional strain on them. Before stbx got our first judge recused, we had an RO in place for almost a month for emotional abuse by stbx against the children and I in the early months of the process, and a Social Services Child Investigator was appointed at that time. He was very professional and also compassionate with the kids, but that situation was stressful for them. I wish so much I could do more to protect them during all this. They love their dad. I want them to have as much of a relationship with him as they can or want to have. (Though I think as they get older it will definitely change because of his extreme controlling and judgemental personality.)

If any of you have lost your lawyer during the divorce process or know anything about it, I would really appreciate any information you would be willing to share. Blessings, Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 6:01pm

Perhaps you can contact a few more legal aid options.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 12:31pm

If you are forced to homeschool his four children, then surely the temporary orders grant you spousel support in addition to child support? Did your attorney request that his fees be paid by your husband? It is acceptable to write to the Judge to inform him that you are without representation, I believe that you should also make it clear in the letter to the Judge that a copy is being sent to your husband's attorney (the Judge must avoid a situation where it looks like he is receiving secret info from you, both sides have to be very open and include the other side in communications with the court).

While you are informing the judge that you have no attorney, also mantion exactly how many weeks behind the CS is, and how many dollars. Also inform the Judge that you cannot support yourself (and hire an attorney) unless you are allowed to work. With four kids being home-schooled, you are not being allowed to work. Something must change.