Anyone have to pay xh alimony?
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| Wed, 04-26-2006 - 1:08pm |
I am planning to get a d. We live across the country from my family (we moved 3 yrs ago). I spoke to an attorney and she told me to talk h into moving back home, wait the 6 month requirement to live in the new state and then file for d (this d is not a surprise to h, I have told him many times I wanted one). Ok, so far the plan is working, h agreed to move with my short people and I back to our home state.
The plan was to wait until the short ones were out for the summer, I put my resume out on some boards and was contacted by a head hunter. I interviewed a million times for a company (sure seemed like it) and I got the job. The pay is amazing...I will be making almost what my h and I made together last year. I was all excited until I started wondering if I would have to pay him alimony after the d. My h could make decent money (my new job would still put me making more than him) but he just doesn't want to. He has a job that he doesn't make crap for money and works 4 days a week right now.
Will I have to pay him alimony since I will be making more than him? Has anyone heard of that happening? I know I won't get any cs or anything which is fine b/c I won't need it but there is no way I am going to pay him to sit at home on his arse...
Thanks,
AS

Do you live in an alimony state???
I wouldn't worry about it. If you can prove that he can be making more but chooses not too I doubt that you be required to pay him alimony. He's choosing to make less just because, not like he's staying home to care for children and has no skills etc.
No, my h hasn't mentioned alimony. He won't talk about d at all, he thinks our m is peachy so why would we want a d? I can't really blame him coming from his pov, I mean, he works 4 days a week, doesn't do hardly anything around the house, I support him and all his hobbies. I pay the bills, take care of the kids, etc. He's got it made, I can see why he doesn't want it to change. I wouldn't either if I had no responsibilities but yet had someone supporting me.
OK, I won't say anything and will just wait to see if he has enough initiative to do research to find out if he is eligible.
Thanks,
AS
I will check to see if we will be living in an alimony state. No, he still takes the kids to school and has them go to afterschool even on the days he is off, so he isn't working a reduced schedule for child care purposes and he used to have skills, I don't know if he lost them from not using them, lol!!
Thanks, that makes me feel much better.
AS
It definitely depends on the family law statutes for the state where you get your divorce. I'm in TX and you can read the actual code online. If alimony is available, it is non-gender specific. I know a woman physician in another state who has to pay alimony--and her ex has already found himself another "sugar-momma". If you are the higher earning spouse, you could actually get ordered to pay your ex's attorney fees and you could get ordered to pay him child support. You MUST educate yourself. In Texas, they call it spousal maintenance, and it's nearly impossible to get unless one spouse is disabled, uneducated and you must be married over 10 years. Not so in other states. You know, if he has shown inclination so far for the "easy ride", I think you'd be smart to plan on him trying to get as much out of you as possible.
I'm curious, what was the reason the attorney suggested you move? To avoid alimony? Or was it your preference to return near family?
Congratulations btw, on your career adancement...you are NOT stupid, apparently.
Seriously, take care to learn what the law is and get a good lawyer to protect yourself. And don't be surprised if you DO have to pay him while he sits on his arse. Stranger things have happened.
It depends on the state laws, so you should ask a lawyer in the state in which you intend to file. Most states don't care which gender makes more money, the one earning more can be ordered to pay alimony. BUT it usually depends on the income/ expenses/ lifestyle *during* the marriage and at the time of separation. Again, the definition there depends on what state you're in. Some states look at the *capacity* of each spouse to earn, their education, qualifications, etc. Ask a lawyer.
(oh, and congratulations on the new job!)
I'm sorry, I was a little confusing in the original post. We moved across the country 3 yrs ago. We have no family in this state or even close by. I decided about 6 months ago that the m was beyond repair and made the decision to get out. I could be a single mother here and be ok but it would be SO much easier having family close by and I think it would help my short people adjust to the d if they have a lot of family around them.
I made the decision to move back to the state where most of our family is. I went to an attorney to see what options were available to me....for instance, do I file here and then ask the judge to let me move with the kids, what happens if h won't move back to the home state, etc. She advised to try and get him to move, if he won't then go ahead and move, wait the 6-months and then file in the new state. I was worried about my h filing here in the state we currently live but she said he had no money, how could he file? Besides, he won't take the initiative to do that.
I didn't have to worry though, once he found out how much my new job was paying, he decided to move....he is now thinking about starting his own business since I will be making enough money to support us, he wouldn't have to work at all! I told him he could stay home with the kids during the summer that way they wouldn't have to go to any summer camps and would probably do better adjusting to the move, but once they start school....I have news for him, he is getting a job.
Thanks for the advice, I will definately secure a good lawyer and see what advice he / she has for me.
Thanks. If they look at the lifestyle during our 12 yr m, I am not worried. Thanks to his inability to balance a checkbook or realize what we can and can't afford, we have nothing. Truly, we have harldy anything to show for being m for 12 yrs and the last few years we both made decent money. There is no reason except his lack of responsibility. If they look at his earning capacity, I think I will be ok as well. As far as the education, he has one class he has needed to take for yrs to finish his degree, he has just never taken the initiative to finish it. I got tired of nagging and left him alone about it. I told him he could stay at home this summer with the kids with the condition that he takes his last class. I don't know how you could be so close to finishing your degree and not do it. Oh well, soon he won't be my problem.
Thanks!!
If he's that financially irresponsible, perhaps you ought to get a bank account only in your name so that you can control spending. As well, remove him from credit cards or close and get new one where you are the only authorized user.
I wish you well... The next six months could be a real trial to you.