Anyone have Springer's phone number?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Anyone have Springer's phone number?
16
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 10:42am

Good God, this is the WORST possible situation I can think of.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 11:08am

Yes I think you need to call in professional help--first for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 11:47am

Wow - don't think there is any real advice anyone can give here, but I know by the end I'll give some :smileywink:. I know that it is theraputic to know that you have other people who have been in "similar" positions and who can share in your grief with you.

It does seem that you are still in shock yourself and yes, I can imagine that this will have a huge affect on your kids as well. But even as chaotic as some of the choices she has made recently seem, you still do have a lot of control and power in some areas.

I was lucky, my Ex-H got a vasectomy. For all the bad decisions he has made throughout our time together, I will give him credit for that one. I also have made the decision to not bring any other children into our "family". He did however move someone and her kid into what used to be our home and now she plays step-mom etc. None of it has been a piece of cake for anyone...and being that my X is not the monogamous or family man type (thus he would've made it work w/me), I doubt even if they marry that any of it will work out long term.

When you say that you raised her children as your own, that sort of raises a red flag for me. I'm sort of on to that whole second marriage thing. I mean, I get that sometimes people start having kids young, they can end up in extremely abusive relationships or maybe the other parent just abandons them completely- however, if someone has two kids from a previous relationship and that didn't seem to work, then it is highly likely that the next one they enter will also end unsuccessfully...unfortunately 4! kids later :(

I feel really bad for your situation. It seems like you are an intelligent person whose heart and mind is in the right place concerning your original sense of wanting to work it out etc. And chances are, that this lady will reep what she has sewn (just like my own X will) and she will suffer the consequences of her poor choices. What woman in her right mind would want a seventh child by a 3rd man? Period.

My only and best advice - which I have had to take myself...is to first, learn the lessons that you need to learn in this situation. You also have to hold yourself accountable in some ways if you don't want to end up in the same situation ever again. Don't stay in that place too long, don't beat yourself up for years, lol. Just learn from it for future reference and navigation. Secondly, do as much damage control with the kids as you can without "blaming" your soon to be X or making her out to be the villian. Trust me, she doesn't need anything to make her look worse in her kids eyes. Third, give yourself time to heal and time to grieve. It may take years, who knows? It has me...but it does get easier, even if it does seem to never completely go away. Sometimes you just have to learn to live with certain sh*t and realize that there are times and reasons that your life is never the same after some things in life happen to us. Last but not least, try to look for things to be thankful for. Start building more of a life around yourself (and your kids) and the things that you love and enjoy doing. Because in the larger scheme of things, I think that "situations" like these are there to help teach us that the course we were trucking down, wasn't necessarily the right one. And that there is a greater joy and destiny waiting on a different one...that has nothing necessarily to do with out one two step life handbook of going to school, getting married and having kids etc.

Good luck with things, work to put it all into perspective and work around it all as best you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 11:55am

Oh! And one last thing!

Sense of humor, yes, that has been my savior! I could've never been able to get through a lot of my pain, remember who I was before all the yuck hit my life and work to rebuild my self-esteem and life without that! Such I huge key, I can't even tell ya! :smileyvery-happy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 12:20pm

The thing is, with kids involved, you have to realize tyhat you will never be rid of her. And since the kids should be the highest priority for each of you, you have to consider their needs before anything else. Yes, the way this has happened sucks, but the kids didn;t cause it. They have some big adjustments in their future, but they will handle just like millions of other kids do. Mine needed counseling to get through it, and I still have the counselor's number, in case I feel like they need it again. And they know that they have the option to go back if they feel like they need it.

I think most cases of divorce do involve a 3rd party, mine did - ex had a gf and a wife, that just didnlt work for me :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 7:38pm

I'm replying to myself because it's really a reply to all of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 7:45pm
Talk to a lawyer and find out what hour rights are. Don't leave the house and don't make any concessions yo her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 8:04pm

Yep, I've had a lawyer on retainer since December, was in her office last Thursday working on proposed custody.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 8:08pm
Good for you! Stay strong for your kids, who knows maybe she will move out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 11:28am

Honestly (and I say this as a divorce lawyer) if your kids are teenagers and they want to live w/ you then let them--it's not to say that mom is bad, but if you are the primary parent, then why not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 2:28pm

She may not be denying the relationship with the other guy to just you.

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