anyone seperate or divorce & not abused?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
anyone seperate or divorce & not abused?
4
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 11:36pm

Hi All~


My situation is a little different.....I may be getting a divorce simply because we are both not happy and really not "in love" anymore.


It is not always as simple as it seems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 12:40am

Not sure of what advice to give you, just wanted you to know you're not alone. My husband of 22 yrs and I separated last week. We made the decision months ago to do this and would have after the holidays if he hadn't been laid off before them.


We got together when we were 16 & 18 and basically grew up together. Add 4 kids to the mix and we didn't really have time together to relate to each other. (If that makes sense.) We grew apart and altho we still have feelings for each other, I haven't loved him like I should have for a long time now. We've both done stupid things to hurt each other (some intentional, some not) and we're making each other miserable living together.


We had tried marriage counseling in the past--and that definitely didn't work out well. We'd tried spending time together and all that. Nothing's seemed to work. Now he's on his own and we're learning to make it on our own. We're hoping that we can work things out still. Sounds strange, I know. But we have tried everything we could think of living with each other and always went back to the same rut we were in.


I guess if you're miserable, you should do something about that. Is there anything you can do to try to connect with him? Do you still have feelings for this man? As for working it out, if there's a chance that it could work I'd say try to do so for the kids. But if it's not working, don't stay miserable. Kids do pick up on that. Mine had commented just recently that they weren't suprised that we split up, they knew it would happen sooner or later. So much for trying to shield them from our unhappiness, eh? They're adjusting ok now that we spend time together as a family and they know we're putting them first. They also know this is a separation--we haven't mentioned divorce and when they asked we told them we didn't know what the future held. We also didn't tell them we're trying to work things out either so we wouldn't get their hopes up.


Anyways, now that I've rambled on a bit I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one that's felt that way. There are more of us out there.


Hope things work out for you one way or the other.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 1:34am
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 12:41pm

I think you and your husband should work on individual therapy for a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 9:58pm

I am trying to initiate a divorce here in my house hold and I have not been abused. I no longer have respect for my husband (for whatever reason) and that makes it very hard to be in love with him and/or just love him in general. We've tried couple's therapy and that hasn't gotten us very far. I believe life is too short to be "wasting" it in a relationship with someone who can't give me what i need and deserve. I originally thought that what I wanted wasn't out there, but I have seen glimpses of it and I want to go after it without him dragging me back.

I am looking forward to being on my own, learning how to support myself, how to be my own best friend and chasing my dreams. I know i can do it and it's going to be a hell of a trip getting there.

What was my point? Oh yeah. Life's to short. Go get what you want/need. Therapy along the way will only make it easier.

As for happiness not being a constant state, I used to think that too. But now I know better. I have the power to make my own state of happiness and you do to. Go make it happen! (and now, I am going to go take my own advice! lol)