are these "assets'

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
are these "assets'
3
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:18am

Okay, I have been posting here quite a bit lately (used to be a lurker) but I am at the end of my rope and without a support network so this is the best thing for me. My name is Lynne and I have a 12 y/o daughter and a 7 y/o son. I am going through a really rough patch and I really appreciate the support and advice that I have been getting.

So, here is my latest bombshell, I have been scrapping by for 9 months stbx didn't agree with the child support order so he wouldn't sign the temporary and would only send each month what he felt was right. I have manage just barely to keep my head above water but I thought that my attorney was being generous by not pushing for payment because I am negotiating for a QDRO as part of the final settlement and planned to pay her out of that. Well, I filed 9 months ago, we have a settlement conference scheduled for the end of April and today I recieved an e-mail from her telling me I have 30 days to settle my bill that they do not do credit for billings. What the heck, it took her 9 months to decide to tell me that, (I checked it is not in any of the agreements I signed when she was hired), the fact that she hasn't pushed for payment is one of the only reasons I haven't fired her because things have just taken entirely too long to do everything ( two months to get a copy of the signed temporary order so that it could be filed with the court).

Anyway, at this point I have no options but to sell things, I have no credit, seriously doubt if I could get a loan and can't ask my parents for any more money they don't have it to give. So the question becomes if I sell stuff will I get in trouble, the things that I am considering selling are: china service for 12 with all serving pieces, crystal stemware for 12 including water, tea, wine and champagne glasses, a couple of filing cabinets, the extra stove (from our old house), and my computer desk. Are these items that he would consider "assets" so I can't dispose of them? If I sell these items the kids are sure to tell their dad which is why I need to know before it becomes an issue in the divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 9:52am

Hi, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I'm not sure what a QDRO is? I have learned too, how long the process can really take. I'm several months into my situation as well, with no papers signed.

Here's what I would consider if I were you: If your stbx is no longer living in the home, do you know if he took with him everything he plans to take? Has he mentioned splitting all the contents of your home with him? Have papers been drawn up (even if not signed) to reflect what each of you wants in the settlement? Have you asked your attorney if it would be advisable, to sell these items?

I think you need to be honest with your stbx, and your lawyer, if you need this money to pay the bills, because unfortunately, if nothing has been decided upon, they are still joint assets. But,then again, I don't know what judge would fault you for selling items in your house to feed your children.

Good luck and keep posting.

Tis

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 9:52am

Hi sms! Just wanted to send you positive energy & support during this process. The quick answer to your question is that yes...i believe that all the household goods are considered 'assets,' but are valued at what 'someone is willing to pay for them' as the are considered 'used'(ie. thrift shop prices, unless they are collectibles or antiques, where the value is more), so it wouldn't be at the value that one would pay if it were new. I'm not an attorney, so i can't give legal advice, but from what i've learned from my own experience, the above info. is correct. (I would suggest that you search on-line for info. on divorce in your state -- sometimes there are message boards where you can post questions and they are answered by attys). Also, a good source of information may be the clerk at the family court -- they can guide you on procedural stuff.

I appreciate that you have to do what you have to do. It seems to me that the worst that could happen is that the judge would 'credit' half of the proceeds from the sale of these items to your stbx, but it appears to me that aside from child support, you should be entitled to temporary support, so the judge might not credit anything to your stbx, but may order him to pay support from the date you separated -- again, you need to check the laws in your state. The fact that your stbx did not sign the temporary order will not make the judge happy, so it would be good to document all the problems you've had with stbx and the financial hardship he has caused for you & your kids. The judge is particularly interested in the welfare of the kids, so if stbx has caused 'instability' in their lives due to not paying what he is obligated to -- this will not fly with the judge. Also (again, depends on the state), the thinking is that the wife and kids are 'entitled' to the standard of living they are 'accustomed' to, where that is possible.

How long have you been married to stbx? Do you work? In most states where there is alimony, you may be a candidate for 'permanent alimony,' if you've been married for 10 yrs or more, or at least for half the time you've been married. Is the QDRO based on his future pension benefits? Do you own a house together? Sorry to ask so many questions, but it's hard to give advice not knowing more of the details.

Best of luck with everything! We're here for you!!

About your atty, it doesn't sound like she has not been serving you efficiently. It's hard to believe that she can't work out some kind of payment plan, but it may not be up to her if she's not a partner in the firm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 11:59am

Hi there sms.

Something sounds wrong here.

I'm not sure what state you're in, but "temporary orders" are assigned by a judge, and they are not supposed to be optional. STBX is in contempt of court, and has been for quite a while.

Second, the QDRO is used to transfer a 401K from stbx's account to your personal account AND maintains the tax-protected status of the plan fund.

Your lawyer's sudden desire to collect sounds fishy -- I would have expected your lawyer
a. to have been suing for contempt numerous times over the last nine months,
b. if you intend to cash out the retirement plan, why go through the QDRO process, its time consuming (and therefore legally expensive), and you could have negotiated a forced cash settlement with stbx, wherein he bare's the tax burden.

So something sounds quite wrong with your lawyer. Its time to get a new one. If you trust teh law firm, you might consider discussing your problems with the office manager. I don't know what you have had to pay for, but it does not sound like you have received your money's worth or been well represented.