Are you worried about the kids & divorce
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Are you worried about the kids & divorce
| Fri, 10-27-2006 - 1:04pm |
I hear so many times that the adults are so concerned about divorce wrecking the kids.
| Fri, 10-27-2006 - 1:04pm |
I hear so many times that the adults are so concerned about divorce wrecking the kids.
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I do worry about them, but overall they're doing okay. I try to reassure them that no matter what has happened with their dad and me, that we both love them very much.
My daughter (5 years old) doesn't seem overly bothered anymore. She sometimes because a tad bit hesitant about going to her dad's, but I tell her it's good for her to see him and that she'll have a good time. She just about always comes home saying she had fun.
My son (11 years old) does have some issues, but it's mostly that he's upset about all the things that have happened to our family over the years. When he was 2 his grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and died when DS was 3. (Yes, he remembers him and the special things they did together) When my son was 5 his grandmother died in a car accident. At 7 he was hospitalized for a month with near heart failure. I am trying very hard to explain to him that things happen to people all the time and that what we need to do is not let ourselves be defined by the bad things that happen. I'm trying to help him focus on the good things we have. He had parents that love him very much, we have a home that is ours, we have enough to eat and clothes on our backs.
I put off leaving my husband for 4 years......because I was pregnant and I was scared. I didn't think I could do it alone. I didn't want my kids to come from a divorced household. But what I did discover afterall is that my kids were just as miserable as I was. Because I am happy, less stressed and finally enjoying life they are too. LOL!!!!
That old saying about taking care of you so you can be a good parent is so true.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Amie
Hugs, Brenda
Hi Brenda,
I would be asking more from the school's counselor than to just "look in" on your son.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Just today I was talking to one of my best friends who watched me go through everything with my ex. From being somewhat newly-wed, to having kids and the final downfall that took four years to finally complete. He was saying that it's been amazing to see how much the kids and I are thriving. I was told that it was like watching someone try to swim with sandbags tied to them. He also told me with the energy I put into keeping my now ex happy and keeping my marriage together, I could probably be president - LOL (no thanks...)! It's so true! Even though I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the stuff I have to do as a single parent (he is not involved with the children in any way at this point), my life is soooooooooooo much easier and my kids are happy and healthy. It's an amazing thing.
Melanie
"I do not know what to do for my children anymore. All I know to do is to provide for them a safe habor and hold them when they cry."
You said it...just love them as much as you can and hold them close as often as you can. We are their anchors to security and providing them with as much consistency and reassurance as possible will help ease their way through the rough transition and change in their lives. Know that you and your boys will survive and eventually thrive...my very best to you. Take care, Stacey
I swear, if I hear one more gloom and doom story about how the kids will suffer, I may snap. Just today I was flipping through the channels and some jackass on the Tyra Banks show was spouting off about how breaking up the family "shatters" kids. One of the guys on the panel tried to interrupt and dispute that and the "doctor" said something to the effect of "when you go to medical school, you can disagre with me...". I could have reached into the TV and strangled him.
I'm studying psychology, I've seen the research on both sides of the table, and I have to say that how well the parents handle the divorce seems to be totaly indicative of how well the kids handle it. It's true that children will thrive better with 2 happy, whole parents than within a stressful, difficult "whole" household. I should know, I was one of those kids who prayed for my parents to split up. Lord knows them staying together didn't do our family any favours- psycho-emotionally speaking LOL.
I'll be honest, I wish things were different for me and my kids. I wish I wasn't getting divorced. But I'll be damned if I'll let the stigma take over and dictate my kids' future in any way.
I totally agree about the kids handling it being a reflection of how the parents handle it. Just look at our board for an example. I know it's a tiny section of the entire population, but the posters here who felt relief and happiness come from the split seem to be the ones who have children who are happy, thriving and well adjusted. Also, when I ran a childcare program (before and during my divorce) I was amazed to see how well the kids whose parents were divorced took it. Things have changed since I was a kid (so long ago - lol) and there was so much stigma associated with it. Now it's at least 1/2 of all families and so it's rare that a kid of divorce doesn't know at least one other friend who's gone through it. That's just my observations though, I don't have a medical degree - rofl.
Melanie
Edited 10/29/2006 9:49 am ET by mebrenda
Hugs, Brenda
Based on the sad face response, I'm assuming I've accidentally touched a nerve with my post. That was not my intention at all, but I was being honest in my observations. I'm sorry that it hurt you to hear that, I am sorry if I upset you in any way.
Melanie
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