ARGH!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2007
ARGH!!!
4
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 2:48pm

Not only did my stbx stop wearing his wedding band the night we agreed that divorce was the only way forward for us at this point (also the night he started sleeping on the futon), but yesterday he listed himself as "single" on his Facebook profile. Now, I realize this makes me sound like I'm 16, but the Facebook part isn't the important thing - it could have been any other social networking profile. What gets me really steamed is that he apparently considers himself officially single, enough to announce it to the world, despite the fact that we haven't started any of the divorce paperwork and are still living in the same apartment. And I know that bringing it up isn't going to do anything except make him angry. How the H**L can he be so inconsiderate about my feelings, and still claim to be "concerned and worried" about me??

The only good thing about all of this is that no matter how much of a jerk he's being with regards to my feelings, at least he still wants a mediated divorce so it'll be over as quickly, "painlessly" and inexpensively as possible. I know that he's a reasonable person as far as property and money is concerned, even if he is showing the emotional intelligence of a spoiled ten year old.

But here's something I am having a hard time with: when is the appropriate time to stop wearing a wedding band? I took off my engagement ring because obviously the "sparkle" is gone from what's left of our relationship, but I don't know if I'd feel comfortable taking the wedding band off until at least we've gone to the court and officially filed the papers. It just doesn't feel right to me. I may be furious with him and very hurt and very much looking forward to moving out, but we're still married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
In reply to: galateashanti
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 3:10pm
Well, I am sorry to hear of your circumstances. I have to tell you-don't be suprised if he rebounds very quickly. Men can't seem to be alone. Men love with their heads, women love with their hearts. As you have already figured out, it took him days to list himself as single. Just remember, men and women are so different and there is nothing wrong with you mourning the end of your marriage. Take your time and ignore his behavior. Men hurt in their own way!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2007
In reply to: galateashanti
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 3:17pm
I wouldn't be surprised if he's already seeing someone else - being married didn't stop him before so there's no reason it should now. Knowing that doesn't erase the hurt, but I'm doing my best to not let it affect me for long. (And it'll be much easier when I find an apartment and move out and only see him when we meet for mediation.) Thanks for the support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
In reply to: galateashanti
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 9:06pm

Galateashanti

When is the right time to take your ring off? When you really don't want it on anymore. Whenit has no relationship to where you are now, and only reminds you of the sad past that you are leaving. For me that day was today. I was sad for about 15 minutes, but then knew that it was another step to my new life, away from my old life. See the post called "The ring's off - Now What" Good luck, and take your ring off when you no longer want it on. Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: galateashanti
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 9:23pm

I have an older post here about taking off the ring :-).

Mine acted much like yours; "single" before he even moved out. Ha! His ring came off, but I wasn't ready to remove mine until *I* felt ready to say *I* was done with *my* vows.

So, it took me a lot longer. I didn't take it off until he said something so low about me that I realized -- hey, I don't want to be married to someone who could think that way about me.

My kids wanted me to keep it on ... complicates things ...

Follow your heart; it will tell you when you are done enough to let the ring go.

M