Argh....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Argh....
1
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 8:28am

Well ladies need to vent a little and maybe get some much needed advice. A quick recap of my story my H left our home May 22 we have been married for 11 years and have 3 boys. I am pretty sure he has slept with someone during this seperation...even though he will not admit it to me. As a matter of fact he will not really tell me to much of anything. I am so fustrated at everything, at first I tried fixing everything begging him to please come home and all the other desperate stuff. I have now been trying to do the 180 that I seen on here, which is harder than heck to try to do. The fustrating part of this is his lack of knowing what the hell it is that he wants. Right before I started doing the 180 I asked him several times what it is that he wanted and everytime never really got an answer. He just keeps telling me that he does not want to argue....well that really does not answer to much now does it. I have even told him if he plans on not coming home that I would go down and file for divorce to get this over with. This is not something I want to do but I get tired of hurting all the time. When I even start to talk about divorce he either leaves the house or gets mad at me and hangs up the phone. The only time he will even say anything about it is when I make him mad talking about it and he will yell fine go whatever.

I guess my question is what the heck should I do....I am lost at what is going on! He claims that he thinks about coming home and working on our marriage but that he has done to much now to come back...whatever that means. His mother who I am very close to says he is having a hard time dealing with the guilt of all the crap he has pulled. I am at a complete loss as what to do, I do not know how much longer I can do the 180. I am also not sure how long to let this go on as much as I love my H I am getting tired of all the dragging of his feet. I feel this has been plenty of time for him to decide what the heck he wants!

Ladies am I wrong? Sorry for the long post I needed to vent somewhere since I cannot talk to him about it.

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
In reply to: luvmy3boys2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 12:55am
? is what do you want! Right now is your time to figure out what you need. Stop asking him what he wants, because you might get just that, what he wants, not what you are wanting out of the relationship. Show him you are serious about the seperation, not just threat, I guarantee he doesn't believe you and he thinks he has all the time in the world. At this point if he came back, nothing would have changed because he won't even talk to you as a friend, and if you can't be friends how can you move on. Of course you love him, I am sure he loves you, he just needs to what he will lose if doesn't keep wallowing in self pity and take responsibility for his actions in the relationship. Stay strong, concentrate on whats important, YOU and your children, let him see what he will lose. A wonderful, independent woman who can survive on your own. Take care and good luck. Remember you must stay in control of your own life, my husband did the same exact thing, married for 6y, seperated got back together after 6months, and guess what nothing changed, except me, I realized I could do it on my own and make it, and yes someone still could want a woman with 4 kids, he didn't think I could. Now I have filed for divorce, should be final in a month, it's hard, I love him, but realized he could never love me the way I loved him, and never could be there for me. I am not going to waste any more time and energy on someone who who didn't know what they wanted, because I do know what I want. I want to be happy.