Asking her to leave
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Asking her to leave
| Wed, 04-26-2006 - 1:20pm |
Help....
My wife is an alcoholic and her behaviour, etc. has put a lot of stress on the family. The question I have is: if I ask her to leave and move in with a friend while she works on her issues, would that come back to haunt me legally down the road?
Thanks, this is very important for me to know.
I'm in Upstate NY

From what you said I think it would show that you did what was best for all involved. I don't personally see how it could be seen as a bad thing. You need to look out for yourself and kids and having her drinking and behavior out of the house would be a breath of fresh air for you guys from the sounds of it.
Are you going to be helping her get the help she needs? Are you asking her to leave as a step towards sep/divorce or just so she can work out problems?
Keep your chin up.
I'd see a lawyer about this. You might prefer to check her into a rehabilitation program, rather than telling her to go live with a friend.
First of all, leaving her children and living with a friend is probably not going to help her drinking problem; you probably know that...
Secondly, it might not be the best thing for you legally.
Whoa, I'm in NY also and the prevailing advice here is that it is considered ill-advised to be the one who LEFT, not the one who stays! The one who stays is holding far more cards. Youve got the house, the kids the stuff, the financial responsibility. The one who leaves could be considered the one who abandoned the kids and could not handle the responsibility.
In your case, if she leaves it will only become a legal problem for her if you make it one, and it won't be a legal problem for you!
I wish you luck in getting her the care she needs.
Susie
Thanks to all for the advice. I love this woman more than life itself and this is tearing me apart.
Alcohol is such a terrible drug....
Yes it is, I completely agree... Are you going to any meetings for your own sake? Isn't Al-anon for family members and close friends of alcoholics? I've heard wonderful things about the support available...
Good Luck!
*hugs*
Julie
((hugs))
To All,
Yes, I have been going to Al-Anon for 6 months now. It does help but unfortunately the problem lingers on. I hear terrible, sad stories at these meetings and many broken families due to alcohol abuse.
I will continue the meetings, continue to pray and hope for the best. Perhaps when she hits the proverbial "bottom", we can pick up the pieces.
Thanks again to all for listening and providing support.
I was going to ask, do you want to be rid of your wife or do you want her to be able to recover? Then I read this post and it sounds like you want her to be well again.
I doubt her problem will get better if she is forced away from her home and loved ones. That will probably only make the addiction worse. You can't force her into sobriety. Has she tried anything to help? AA or Women for Sobriety? or Rehab? or Psychiatry? Those are better first options in my opinion.
I suggest you go to Al-Anon and ask ALOT of the people there what they recommend. I said ALOT, because I have found there to be alot of very angry people in al-anon who are bent on revenge against the A in their lives, they are not necessarily desiring recovery.
Remember, alcoholism is a DISEASE and is TREATABLE. It is not a choice and doesn't make her a bad person.
Edited 4/27/2006 6:06 pm ET by momsacupcake
That's why I suggested the rehabilitation residential program, rather than asking her to go live with a friend. In her state, she might choose the wrong friend to stay with, and end up worse off, rather than better.
If she can't stay with the people she loves, then she should be checked into a program where she will be protected and have a REAL chance.
I think asking her to move out will just result in getting rid of her, if that is what you want.