Asking for some advice .....
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Asking for some advice .....
| Wed, 11-30-2005 - 7:13pm |
Things are still so not good. STBX is getting more & more crazed & irrational.
| Wed, 11-30-2005 - 7:13pm |
Things are still so not good. STBX is getting more & more crazed & irrational.
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Rebecca, Is there a way that you could have someone else take her to him??? I have a friend who's ex was always calling and harrassing her on her cell phone and texting her so she changed her number. If he needs to get in touch with her he has to call her mother who will relay the message to her. He doesn't harrass her mother. It's very unfortunate that he would do and say the stuff he does in front of her. It makes it look like he doesn't want to have her. She's going to remember this later on down the road.
Don't feel bad about your work hours either. You are working to support your child and no court can fault you for having a good job. My ex tried to pull that crap with the court about my work schedule and it didn't work at all.
Off topic to Samantha. I love your pics!!!
For Christmas, I got my son a firefly cell phone. It's specifically geared for children ages 6-12. There's a mom key, a dad key, and the parents have a PIN # so they can enter only the numbers they will allow their child to call. The phone costs about $90.00, and it comes with 30 minutes. After that, you recharge the phone for $.25 a minute. My son has always wanted a phone, and it will allow me to get in touch with him directly, so everyone wins :)
It's a very cute looking phone, too.
Hugs rlch,
I see even when you have a lawyer or some legal help, the stbx's actions still can greatly affect our little ones. After our recent new court order, my stbx sent numerous emails, his lawyer sent two, his lawyer sent four letters in the regular mail, all of a sudden stbx was trying to have the kids hand the phone to me after they would talk on it with him. He sent emails saying he is going to take our oldest son, who is with me full time because he 'disowned him' -- he says he has ODD and he is going to take him to a psychologist to have him tested and diagnosed. He now is DEMANDING that the boy go over to his parenting time with him; that he is going to assert his 'parental rights' and make him cut his hair, disallow any black band tshirts, make him join a sport of his choosing or make him get a part time job, ban any music the boy now has on cd's. Those all sound on a normal level like things a parent ought to have a 'right' to do,yes? But in the current situation; that happening would make the son be very upset of course, having had no contact at all with the father in two months -- the son apologized twice and sent emails, but the fathers exact quote was 'forgiveness is not forthcoming at this time.'
Now he says he has decided he is ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder)...such harrassment, and in that email he said that I actually brought that up years ago, which is another completely made up statement, just something to put in this paper trail I guess he is creating for his 'legal case'. Our boy has only ever had any physical violence with HIS FATHER. He has never had temper tantrums and damaged property, he has never had a physical fight even with peers, he has not had any trouble with any other 'authority figures' in his life - not with teachers, adults at church, recreational sports etc, only with his father who has chosen on 6 or 7 occasions to knock him down, drag him around a room by his hair, sit on him and make him stop 'getting the last word, say Uncle', knocked him against a bookcase and bloodied his nose and bruised his cheek and then made him lie to his coach when they went to his ball game that day that he 'fell' by accident. These incidents however, were part of a pattern of escalation - but they happened only once or twice in a year...I always separated them or somehow would get his anger onto me so my son could get away to his room or go outside. And after every incident stbx was always either sorry or dismissive about it, pretending like it didn't happen or was no big deal and that I was making it bigger than the situation warranted and then we would go on in the dysfunctional way we had before for another year. I wish I had been smarter and stronger to be able to see that staying there was not only my weakness and fear, but that it actually was bad for all of the children. When you are in that situation; you justify FOR the abuser, and you try to protect your children and the status quo, projecting everything onto your shoulders, just trying to 'fix' it all. Many people are quick to say, "Why didn't you just leave, or leave sooner?" I feel so horrible everytime I hear that, and all I can say is I didn't know, I thought if I did something, everything 'more right' then all would be well.
I have read many of your posts, praying and sending positive thoughts to your little girl hon. She is at the same tender age as one of my sweeties; they are like little sponges, even when they do not communicate how much it is bothering them, it is, and it will for a long time to come no doubt. Your stbx is playing horrible headgames, having no self control in front of her, and just doesn't seem to care enough about her to let go of his anger with you. I am glad other moms here are giving you a few tips and ideas. You sound so strong.
I have much to learn about being out in the real world, and I wish so much I would have gone to an abuse shelter to begin with, but I did not know yet that being controlled, verbally admonished in front of the children, having to ask for any money and answer for money spent, being told not only should I be submissive but that I ought to be 'happy in my submissiveness' --- I thought I didn't measure up and somehow I could do 'better' and he would be happy. I have learned a lot --- just wish I knew sooner. Have some peace in your weekend and hug your little girl lots! Annah
Rebecca...
I read your other post and am glad to hear that you are getting advice from a DV shelter... I spoke to a DV hotline before I found my attorney, when I realized some of the verbal and emotional things going on were really abuse... silly me... its funny how you can see it when it's not your life, you know?
Anyway, your reply really hit home... being so blown away by someone who was an incredible father and so close to Averey... that was my situation... xh well, maybe he wasn't great... but when Joey was an infant, he talked about once Joey got older getting to do all of these fun things with him... xh loved the Home Depot and all these other "boy" things that Joey is totally into (HD is Joey's favorite store and he can spend hours in there with anyone who will let him stay that long!) ... alas when Joey got that little bit older so he could so some of these things was right when xh left... and then xh was ok seeing him once a month (or less) even though he lived less than three miles from our place... It was a shocking awakening for me... I guess it did prepare me for the future behavior of his moving away and only seeing him once (literally) this year...
Sending lots of hugs to you and Ave...
Julie and Joey too
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