Back and forth with my stbx LONG

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
Back and forth with my stbx LONG
3
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 1:47pm

Hi all. I haven't been here in a while because amazingly enough, my stbx and myself were somewhat 'reconcilling' (sp). Him and I live in different states (bordering states) and I was going up EVERY weekend with my son for three months. He actually gave me a key to his apartment and everything. We were having awesome sex and conversations - going out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Going on roadtrips to museums, state parks, amusement parks, beaches - the whole nine yards. He was telling me he didn't want a divorce and that he loves me and perhaps in the near future, we could get back together as a family. Sounds pretty good so far, huh? Well....

Starting last week (Monday) I had absolute nightmares about him. For four nights in a row, I had these horrible dreams about him treating me like shyte, completely disrespecting me telling me he was just 'using' me for sex - he had another relationship with another woman and actually had three kids with her that I didn't know about... I was waking up in the mornings pretty pissed off and sick to my stomach because I KNEW something was not right. Well, come to find out, I think I may have just a tad of ESP.

Just this past weekend, we (me and my son) were supposed to go up and visit him like usual. Honestly, because of the dreams I was having (he didn't know anything about these dreams) I didn't want to go this weekend. I wanted a break. So I fibbed to him a bit and told him I couldn't afford the gas this weekend (65 mile drive) and could he come down on Sunday (just this past Sunday) and maybe we could go out to lunch, my treat, and go fishing or something. He said yes, that it sounded like a good idea.

Come Sunday, he showed up late, as usual and said he wanted to only take our son out becuase he 'needed to talk to him'. I was like uh huh. And he said when I get back I need to 'talk to you as well'. I had a very good idea what he was going to say. So I went out to my friends house and didn't go home until I knew he was gone (my family was there with my son).

He called me at around six that afternoon and with a sick attitude asked me where the hell I was, and why I wasn't there that he wanted to talk to me. He was calling me on my mother's cordless phone and I told him to go outside and talk to me then. He said no that he needed to talk to me 'face to face'. I said what the fluck - JUST TELL ME ALREADY!!! He didn't and wanted to know where I was, blah, blah, blah and I ended up hanging up on him becuase he was being so disrespectful.

He called back about a half hour later from a payphone and said I don't want to see you anymore. I said fine and hung up on him. He tried calling me back and I just kept hanging up on him. So - JUST A LITTLE RE-CAP:

I had been going up to his apartment for THREE MONTHS every weekend, having sex with him, cleaning his apartment, cooking for him, taking care of him, wasting gas and time, having him saying shyte like 'oh - I love and miss you' and all the rest and then BOOM!! He wants a divorce. Whatever. So Sorry So long, but I just had to get that out. I still am shocked about his 'change of heart' but I know there is another woman involved. Those feelings never lie.

I do feel very used and disrespected - just like those nightmares that I had been having. Bastard. So I am in the process of going through legal aid for a divorce lawyer because I am sick of this shyte. Ok. I'm done. Take care all. Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 9:32pm

There isn't much I can say that will be of any effect...but am sending hugs and hope your way. Please, know that you made some choices that at the time seemed in line with a way to make your relationship work. Sounds like you put your ALL into trying, and unfortunately, he just might be a user as you say. Do not be so hard on yourself...you love your child and you were trying to make something work in a marriage which you had made commitments in awhile ago. Go forward. Look for as much support as you can from family and friends, and just go forward hon.

Annah

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 8:22pm

Hi there, Pam. A woman's intuition rarely lies. I know it's very painful to put so much time and energy into a reconcilation only to have it fail. But in the end, you can leave with your head high, knowing that you did everything in your power to try and save the relationship. You gave it an honest try, and it just didn't work.


Also....I know this isn't fun to think about, but if he was having a relationship with another woman, please get tested for STD's. My ex told me he'd "satisfied" some women during our relationship, and I didn't want to take any chances.


Good luck, and stay strong. Keep us posted on your visit with the lawyer.




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 12:04pm

I completely understand. We are divorced, but for the past, oh I suppose 5 months we have been spending ALOT of time together. Also doing sight seeing things with the kids, going on out of town trips etc. Since he had a history of infidelity and abuse, I don't know what the heck I was thinking! Anyway, long story short, he, like yours, out of the blue tells me that he doesn't want to be around me anymore. It was like throwing a heavy brick in my face. The jerk!

I can't give you any words of wisdom, other than, you are not alone. Many of has fallen for it, and many of have had our hearts broken. We'll survive!

-Danielle