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| Sun, 07-09-2006 - 7:05pm |
Hi Everyone,
I haven't been on this board in over six months. To let you know what is going on, I caught my husband of six years and three little children cheating on me while I was pregnant with the last. Well, I was going to try and work everything out with him, and thought all was going well for about a month or two and then, I started finding notes again for the OW. Well, I told him to make up his mind her or me. He said that it was me and he was trying to make her understand that it was over. Well, just before christmas he stayed out all night and refused to answer the phone. That was the last straw and so I called my parents back in another state and told them to come and get me and the kids.
Well, we have been here for almost seven months and at one point was trying to work things out. He is refusing to give us any money, and for the most part am doing fairly well on my own. I called and asked for money for the first time since getting out here, for my daughters school clothes. He told me it wasn't his problem, yet wants me to sign over our huge tax return and the van title to him so he can sell it and use the money for him.
To make a long story short, I am here to get a little advice. I am planning on filing for divorce next month when I can get a little extra money, but lately he is calling my house every day, but not leaving messages. When He can't get a hold of me goes and calls my mom. He is asking for my cell number, which I don't have, my work schedule, my address, what I'm doing etc. I was just wondering if anyone has any advice about what to do about it. He isn't doing it for the kids, but probably is just trying to stay controlling and I have had it with everything to do with him and his cheating butt. Mind you he is involved with someone else right now too. I would love to hear any advice, because it is really starting to worry me with all of the phone calls my family has had from him just this week alone.
Thanks,
becca_2005

Becca,
Have you started documenting all of this? The phone calls, time line, etc? Can you speak with a lawyer now instead of a month from now? If it's uncontested, you can use www.legalzoom.com for a lot less money.
I wish you the best, Becca. It sounds like you are in a very stressful situation. *hugs*
nancy_smiles
becca_c2005...
Pianoguy's suggestion:
If you are honestly planning to DIVORCE your husband...then start communicating with him via your lawyer or legal advisor. That's what you are paying them for.
It clear (to me anyway) that 7 months of separation (you in one state, he in another) is an indication that your husband is perfectly happy with the lifestyle he's living?
In lieu of the fact that he is withholding money from his family, I don't think it's necessary to sign off on the van or the tax return. This "bargaining chip" may become necessary in future months?
While you have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL over whom your husband chooses to see or what he ends up doing...you've got the power to make him squirm a little? Just don't go hysterical on him...keep your cool as well as your distance, okay?
Pianoguy (who, based on what she wrote, is DEFINITELY on the wife's side with this one!).
You've gotten some great advise, and getting with an attorney to get the ball rolling will help to clear up a lot.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Get your butt into court and file immediately. This will probably get you to a point wherein you can get court ordered temporary orders until the divorce is settled.
I would conjecture that in the court's eyes, your stbx status of cheating is utterly irrelevant. What is relevant to the court is that you have tolerated his cheating behaviour, so from the court's perspective, you are ok with it. In addition, until court filed orders are executed, your stbx has no legal obligation to provide you anything (because you are so obviously okay with the situation due to a lack of legal status).
In other words, divorce is best pursued sooner rather than later.
Once the divorce process is started, then (and only then) does the legal paper trail commence. If your stbx fails to make court ordered support payments, then he can be found in arrears or in contempt.