Backsliding...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Backsliding...
4
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 10:02am

It took me so long to get over the anger & bitterness I felt for my ex and the OW former friend of mine who interfered in our marriage, and then she went back to her existing relationship while my ex & I separated. I'm finally liking my life now, liking myself now, and can honestly say I've never been as content. I don't miss ex, and can't understand why I was with him-how could I have lived for so long being unhappy and not acknowledging it?

So I just found out that ex and OW are now together... and I'm feeling low. Why?! I'm not jealous, don't want him for myself, and I thought I was to the point where I didn't care what he did (the thought of him being with anyone but OW doesn't really bother me, just the thought of the two of them together). I don't know if it's just because I haven't found anyone I've wanted to date, so it feels like it won't happen for me. Although I know that my time alone was something I really needed and part of the reason I haven't found someone is because I haven't been ready and I've been sending out a "not interested" vibe. Also, the thought of OW and ex brings back my feeling of inferiority because my husband went elsewhere, even though I thought I had gotten past that kind of thinking. And I feel a little cheated because it seems like there's no justice - I try to always be a good, fair person, while OW lies, cheats, and thinks only of herself, yet she seems to get whatever she wants whenever she wants.

Plus I'm bummed because I have an event to attend in a few months and there's a possibility that ex and OW will be there, and I've never seen them "together". I was really looking forward to this event, and I still am, but at the same time the thought of seeing the two of them there puts a knot in my stomach.

Ugh! I so wanted to be past feeling anything at all about anything ex does. =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
In reply to: sang_froid
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 2:53pm

The 2 cheaters are now together - they deserve each other. You can move on and find someone that has the same moral values as you. Go to the event with your head held high knowing you were the one who took the higher road.

My now ex-H left for another woman - they made it for about a year and a half before the wheels came off. I go to bed at night with a clear conscience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
In reply to: sang_froid
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 3:08pm

oh ick, what a horrible thing to find out and have to deal with. i am really sorry about that and it must make it worse that it is affecting an evening that you have been looking forward to.
i am pretty new at this, i haven't even filed yet. my husband told me sunday that he wanted a divorce. however, i think that it's pretty understandable that this would throw you for a loop, i can't imagine. i just know that i totally understand how you feel...you know you don't want him, you know you are better off without him, why does it have to hurt so much? my shrink would say that it's because you are missing what could have been, not what was. or he might also say exactly what you just did, that it just reminds you of all the emotions that you had when he found out he cheated on you, and how small and worthless that makes someone feel.

i wish i knew wht to say to make you feel better. i just know that as much as it sucks, it's very normal. my heart goes out to you, i am going to think good thoughts for you. i dont know if you hate it when people say this to you, but i do know it will feel better. you sound like you've done a really good job taking care of YOU...don't let that go away because of this new development.
take care
bridget

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
In reply to: sang_froid
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 9:17pm

Thanks, ivbeen & nflfan for the morale boost. I had just found out when I wrote the post, but I'm feeling nearly back to normal again. The two cheaters do deserve each other, and on a little more reflection I'm feeling validated about ending things and grateful that I got out when I did rather than trying to stick things out and have him leave once OW was single. And also happy for OW's ex because he's a decent guy and now he's free to find a decent woman. And also a little vindictive happiness that once the best behaviour phase of their relationship is over, OW is going to start seeing the selfish, mean side of my ex that he used to reserve for me.

As for my event, well I've been delaying getting back into my workout routine, so knowing I might see them is a little incentive to look my best (and I've got a great dress to wear, which doesn't hurt). I can hold my head up and be proud of how far I've come since I was with him, while I doubt either one of them will have the guts to look me in the eye. They'll be too paranoid that everyone there who knows the history will be talking about them, LOL.

Hugs to you, Bridget. I haven't read your post yet, but I know how hard it must be for you right now, whether you were expecting the divorce discussion or whether you were blindsided by it. Hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: sang_froid
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 9:38am

I think that OW, no matter if we like her or if she is the most terrible person in the world, we will always hold a secret hatred for. After all, our H's left us for them...... they could be broken up for 5 years and get back together and we would still be a little weirded out by it.


I will always HATE OW. No matter how nice she is to me ( she isn't nice....lol ) no matter how she acts I will always hate her for coming into my life and thinking of herself. ( he is at fault too and my feelings towards him fluctuate ) She hurt my kids. If he hadn't of met her we would have been able to split on our own... that gives me right to HATE her and no matter how much I am over him, I will always be jealous of her. ( god I hate to admit that publicly ) Not because of him, but because she was better than me somewhere...... I think if he left her and moved on with someone else, that would be different for me. No competition for me.