bad flashback

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
bad flashback
4
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 11:23am

Yesterday was so bad that I finally made an appointment with the therapist I can't afford. I can't be a good mother to my children from jail - I'm only half kidding.

I went home mid-morning from work because I had forgotten my laptop. I saw STBX, OW, and DS (nearly 2) leaving our neighborhood in STBX's car. The last few times I've seen OW it hasn't bothered me, but I think that's because both kids were with me. A few seconds after seeing them I saw her car parked along the street. It took all the self-control I had to not hit the gas and ram my car into hers. It really scared me because for the first time I actually felt like I was capable of really physically hurting OW. Now I can't shake the mental image of that teenager touching my babies.

I do go weeks at a time feeling happy, but this flashback really scared me because I actually felt like I was capable of hurting OW. I DON'T WANT HER NEAR MY CHILDREN BUT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!

I honestly think that I am open to the idea of STBX eventually finding a special person to share his life with and that that she could also be a positive influence on our children, but every fiber of my body and soul tells me that OW is NOT this special person. I can't imagine that she is in this relationship for the long haul. STBX and I have known this girl since she was 14 and she is now 19. She really is a "head case" and once the thrill of being the OW is gone I can't imagine her sticking around. What 19 year-old wants an instant family with a heavy dose of instant debt and in-laws who may never accept her. I also don't understand why STBX doesn't seem to be in any hurry to get our divorce finalized. Does he on some level know that whatever he has with her only works as long as he's still married?

I never really believed that temporary insanity was real until yesterday. I actually felt capable of the unthinkable. I'm trying to keep very busy and not think about it, but it's REALLY REALLY hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mom2maggie
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 11:34am

I'm sorry, it sucks. I have been separated for 16 months, dating someone for 12 of them. My boyfriend is wonderful to my kids, and I really look forward to spending the rest of my life with someone who I enjoy being with, friendship first, etc....

Well, Ex just started dating someone 2 weeks ago. I have found some proof that he didn't meet her until after 1/24, at the earliest. Last Wed (2/1) my girls (9&3) met her. Friday night, they spent the night at her house with him, Saturday the girlfriend and her daughters spent the night at Ex's with him and MY children. Later found out that he had the girlfriend take my DD9 to her dance class (40 minutes from his house) for the 2 hour classes, so he could go to a basketball game (HIS older DD13), and took the girlfriend's kids with him. F'd up. Well, back to Saturday night... I cried myself to sleep in my boyfriend's arms thinking about my 3yo waking up to ANOTHER WOMAN. It makes me sick. Makes me sick that the girlfriend is taking MY DD to her dance class, that is HIS parental responsibility on HIS visitation weekend... come on, Prick, spend the little bit of time you have with your kids, WITH YOUR KIDS.

I also had hoped that he would find someone he can be with (although I am a big believer that you cannot be happy with someone else when you are not happy with yourself) and man does this guy need to do some self-finding/self-defining-self-fixing. I'm sure the girlfriend has no clue of his baggage... making me feel bad for her, but sick for my daughter's to be put in the care of a woman who doesn't know who she is sleeping with.

UGHHHH... I understand, I really do.

*disclaimer* I left this lying, stealing, gambling, lazy criminal man... there isn't a chance in **** that I am jealous, or want him... UG, he makes me sick, but I have no respect for his ability to choose someone decent, and he has proven that he NEVER puts our children first. She can have him, but stay the **** away from my kids!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
In reply to: mom2maggie
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 11:36am

Hugs! I can't imagine who hard that must be. I have been told that my husband is in no hurry because he is tring to leave the option of comming back open as long as he can...Just in case his "new" life doesn't work out. Although now that you said what you did I'm wondering if my stbx isn't rushing things because he knows that as soon as we're gone his "friend" will drop him. The woman is married and has told him she won't leave her husband for him. And when we are not around she doesn't give him the time of day. I do have the advantage of the OW living in another city many hours away. I've never even meet this womam. And I know if he ever brough her into my kids life I'd kill them both! Maybe I should look into some therapy myself.

I hope things get better soon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: mom2maggie
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 3:14pm

Listen to yourself...... she won't be around long.... and hopefully, in time, your EX will find the "right person" that will be acceptable in the presence of your children.


In the meantime, I'm glad that you made that call!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: mom2maggie
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 4:17pm

Thanks for the support everyone. I am doing a little better today. Although I admit I've spent my spare moments today praying that OW just came to town for a long weekend and didn't quit school. She is hopefully still an undergrad at a university a couple hours away from all of us. All along I've been coping with her existance by thinking that as long as she's in school there would be a couple more years before she was likely to be a sigificant part of our children's lives. I figured that in that time either their relationship would end or I would be better able to deal with it. Part of why I dread our children being with her is purely biological instinct, but part of why I dread it is because I'm not ready to field all of the questions that our DD will ask me. DD never asks her daddy anything "heavy" regarding our divorce. On one hand that gives me relief because it gives me confidence that DD feels secure in her relationship with me and because think I'm generally equipped to give her better answers. However, if DD starts asking me questions about the OW, I'm not sure I can keep myself from falling apart. DD (7.5) has known OW for a few years, but she knows OW as her daddy's student not as her daddy's GF. STBX won't even admit that OW is his GF, but even his mother doesn't believe that lie anymore. DD was in kindergarten at the same school and same time that OW was in high school. DD has her Daddy on a very high pedastal. I have to admit that until yesterday I felt pretty good that STBX seemed to be putting the kids concerns first. I'd actually prefer him to get his act together before DD figures everything out and stay on that pedastal. I don't want DD to be as hurt and disappointed as I have been.