Barely Surviving

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Barely Surviving
5
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 6:09pm

My divorce was final on September 26, 2006 and I am soo sad. We were married for 14 years and have two beautiful girls 13 and 12. I am so scared to alone for the first time in my life. I live in the marital home for three more weeks and I bought the house next door because we have 50/50 time with the girls. Crazy, but true. I know the grieving process is normal, but I feel like I am suffering from a nervous breakdown. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe and I can't move forward in my life. When I got married I thought I would never be here, but we just got married too young and tried to change each other. A story I believe many of you know and lived. He dated a 23 yrs old ( i call her girl, hes 35) two weeks after we broke up and I was soo surprized and depressed, since then he called it off and is "friends" with her. In fact the night he broke up with he called me at my friends house and cried on my shoulder...helloooo?? I am glad to be leaving here, but why can't stop crying nonstop? The mechanics of the process was easy, no fighting over anything including the girls, but I think the shock is wearing off to where it hurts so bad will I ever feel the same? Hopefully I will be able to move on. I know I am not alone, but I feel that way all day and night. I just wanted to vent and thanks for listening.

Bridget

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: ginsana
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 7:31pm
Oh Bridget, Our stories are a lot alike. I was married for 15 years. Have two boys 11 and 13. I live in the marital home, ex lives 3 blocks away for 50/50 custody arrangement. You are going crazy right now, but I can tell you it does get better. My divorce has been finaled a little over a year. I am finally doing better. It was like one day the door just opened and I knew I was going to be alright. I still have bad days, but they are now few and far between. My roughest days are when i know ex is with the new gf. My ex left me for another woman. When she didn't divorce her husband as she had promised after he divorced me, he called me. He cried on my shoulder. He and I are getting along better everyday. It's almost like I have my friend back. I like that. I will always love him. Heck he's my first and only love so far. I am scared, but now I know I will be OK. The loneliness will be the hardest part. Find things to occupy your time. It does get easier. Hang in there and take care of you.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
In reply to: ginsana
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 10:34pm

Bridget that sucks!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
In reply to: ginsana
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 5:56pm

Thank you both for your words of encourgement. My bad days seem more here than good ones. I do have really really great group of friends ( mostly divorced male guys I've known for years) and they help, its just at night I'm lonely and depressed and sooo ready to get out of here. On the other hand, I wonder how the hell I think I can make it on my own, emotionally of course. I would have never bought the house w/my mom's credit, he killed ours when we were married, if my kids weren't the number one thing in my life. My mother isnt rich and she is going out on a limb for me cause he kept "Kicking" me out!! She is a SAINT!! Even if it is the house next door.

I feel like I will never date again! Silly how insecure I have become. I'm going back into law enforcement to make ends meet and I know my time with the kids will really be limited. I hate him for forcing me into this position. I hate him for breaking my heart. I hate him for the younger girl for 3 mos, and I hate him for still loving him. I really hope all gets better for you as well!! They seem to forget at times that the kids are living this nightmare too.

Not to be a downer, but I glad you both have felt the same pain and I am not alone in how I feel. Nobody can tell us they sympathize until they have been there. However some empathy is nice too. THANK YOU!!

Bridget

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
In reply to: ginsana
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 6:21pm

Bridget until they have walked ONE day in our shoes, the emotional rollercoaster we face on a daily basis they will never understand.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: ginsana
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 8:29am

Gin,


It's called "grieving" for a reason. You've suffered a tremendous loss and rejection. It's a terrible shock. While it feels awful and there doesn't seem to be an end to the pain, it's important you go through your grief. Cry. Scream. Pound a pillow. Vent. The most important part of this process is releasing all your sorrow, rage, and frustration. For now, that means feeling lousy. Later on, I hope you'll find other ways to release your energy like walking, or exercise. (I hit the gym after my initial grief period and took out my anger on weights, aerobics, and swimming.)


Don't try to skip or rush this time. Grief has its own timetable.


Visit here as often as you like.


Peace,

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

CL-Wisdomtooth2020