basic needs not meet
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basic needs not meet
| Sun, 06-11-2006 - 9:21pm |
Hi I am new to here. I have made one post but I have been reading the board for weeks now. I am seperated from my husband and we have twin girls. Tonight when I got them back from his weekened there hair was matted. ( wasn't brushed all weekened and they went to the beach) My girls have very long hair so this didn't help matters. They had not had lunch, one of them stated dadie forgot so he bought them sundaes. He called to ask if he could bring them back later and I said yes but feed them dinner. Well guess what they had not had dinner either. He is living with his parents, the girl's grandparents, and I am shocked at how they looked and the fact that they were not feed. What is going on over there. This is the 3rd time I have gotten them back and I have had matted hair with them. Is there anything I can do about it. I almost get the impression that his older daughter, my step daughter was in charge of looking after them and he and his parents weren't there emotionally only physically and not very well at that. Help. They have been through enough and my girls love there dadie very much. In fact with all the emotional abuse he did before we split they think I am the bad guy.Am I being overly hyper? I don't think so. I can not talk with him, every time I do he becomes hostile, he is much worse when the kids are around but even on the phone he is hostile . I would appreciate any suggestions thanks.

welcome aboard, you've come to the right place for emotional support and "sanity" since it appears most of us feel "alone" in our challenges at some point or another. i am soooo sorry that your husband is taking you through such drama, especially if it affects your girls' wellbeing. it saddens me that even the grandparents, apparently, didn't step in to see if the girls were fed or neatly groomed. but, i have found personally, that with parents, oftentimes, their children, even the grown ones, can do no wrong! my MIL is actually condoning STBX behavior of bringing his skank GF into her home, trying to "excuse" his behavior. oh yeah, there's the problems right there!
anyhow, some advice on how to get to the bottom of this blatant irresponsibility. i, too, have twins, twin boys, and when they lived with their father and would visit me with "ratty" old shoes on despite the fact that i had just purchased them "new" shoes, i'd have questions myself. and, as you know, children will reveal all thangs, if you "coax" them gently. i'd ask, "sons, did you guys go somewhere like to the playground or visit your father's friend's farm that you had to wear your older shoes?" and then, they'd confess, "no daddy said we didn't need all that new stuff you bought us and that we need to learn how to get things when we earned them" (despite the fact that they DID earn them cause i'm certainly not one of those mothers big on spoiling their children).
anyhow, simply ask your girls about their weekend. depending on their ages, they'll be able to reveal the skinny on things. like "wow, girls, i see your hair is styled differently? did you big girls comb your own hair?" or my primary suggestion is to call the grandparents directly with your concerns and get their account on what happened, totally bypassing husband to avoid volatile or escalated conversations, wherein he'll no doubt become defensive or argumentative (oh, i can relate to this!!)
many wishes & we are glad to have you on the "posting side" ...
I called my husband this morning to address the condition of the girls last night and his response to me was to cut there hair off. I told him the girls do not want short hair, which they do not, and he said well sometimes you have to do things they do not want. I said I agree so why did you not feed them dinner and gave them ice cream for lunch. He hung up on me. Ug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not sure how old your girls are... but perhaps you can tackle this from another angle (the hair part anyway)... show them how to wash their hair... using conditioner... and brush it.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Braid their hair in two or more braids and tell your daughters you do not want them to take the braids out when they are with Daddy. Teach them how to brush their hair and put it in a ponytail first.
Then do your best to teach them how to brush and braid each other's hair. If they are too young to brush/braid, brace yourself -- put up any fuss about matted hair and you will have daughters with short hair.
I know -- it happened to me. The most you can do if this happens is start teaching them how to brush it when it is short and braid (make a ponytail) as soon as you can.
Don't be surprised if they change their minds about long hair either. A few times of dealing with matted hair that gets them teased and is hard to brush out and it will be easy for them to be convinced they like short hair.
Good luck!
nolson_golden
Proud Parent of 3: Tiara, Tawnya and Tannessa
Grandmother of 2: Richard and Matthew