battard men going through divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
battard men going through divorce
11
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 2:44am
i have just been through a divorce and it hurts bad, my ex wife constantly hurts me by evil sayings about her new boyfreind. i dont know if it is just out of spite to just to hurt me or it is just her freinds coaching her, but all i know is she knows how to hurt me. does anyone know how i can get her back or make her feel the pain im going threw?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 6:09am

I understand.

My ex would literally beat me while I slept. When we divorced, she falsely accused me of sexually molesting my son. She has a phd in engineering and claimed she was unable to find work at anything other than a minimum wage job. She constantly cheated on me during the marriage, and cut me off for ten years. She claimed that since we were not having sex, I must me cheating on her, so it was only fair that she cheat on me.

So the short answer is that there is nothing you can do because she will never empathize with your situation.

If you do anything to her, or try, you only harm yourself or your own situation.

Its a crummy answer, but its pretty much the only one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 8:49am
The best revenge is doing well.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 1:57pm
Please don't try to get even. The best thing you can do is ignore, ignore ,ignore. It's alot easier than you think. Even if children are involved do yourself a favor, buy a tape recorder. Know someone who did, when it went to court, wife sat there with her mouth open. Judge ruled in husbands favor. Think before you react!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 3:16pm
I went through some of the same stuff you are right now with my ex when her and I first split up. But the funny thing is for me the best way to get back at her for me was to go on with my life and live it the best I could. I know it hurts but when she found out that I was doing so well with my life and saw that I had moved on and my children loved the fact that I was still their father and always would be no matter what happened between her my ex and I it seemed to hurt her more. I also found that the man she was she was cheating on me with after we divorced he ended up leaving her like I said he would and when she comes around my new home to pick the kids up she has a funny look on her face seeing that I will be married real soon. After all it was her loss and my and my new wifes gain. The best thing you can do is live your life and have fun doing it. I hope this helps and I wish you luck. God bless
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 1:14am
Trust me as bad as you want revenge it does not feel as good as you think. I have only been split from stbx for a few weeks. He brought the OW (has been cheating for months with her) to drop dd off. I was so furious. He told me how they spend the night together and a bunch of crap. I hate it and have decided the best way to get even is to move past it and stop talking to him. Every thing else I tried just made me feel bad and the situation worse. If I need something about the kids I will send a simple text message. There is no other reason to talk to him. It just causes me pain.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 2:03am
i would never hurt my ex wife if thats what you think, its just her with her verbal smart ass remarks to me that just hurt me, i just cant wait till she gets hers right back in her face, i did nothing wrong to this women and she has put me through hell
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 2:06am
thanks, its really hard to move on after your heart has been ripped out, ive gone out on some pretty raunchy dates and id rather be married, there is more drama in dating then there was being married, does your ex want you back after all that
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 10:05am
LOL I know what you mean about the drama that comes with dating and just to let you know it took me about nine monthes before I could even thank about dating. For me it was like you said having your heart ripped out and stomped on. But as far as her wanting me back there are times when she comes around that it seems that way but I thank back to all the hurt and thank about what God has given me today and I know there is no way I would ever go back no matter how much she would beg or how much she hurt. Everything happeness for a reason and it has made me a better person all around. I wish you the best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 10:48am
When someone has been hurt themselves, they try and hurt the ex by constantly reminding them of their faults. She is still hurting and wants to get revenge. Sometimes this is a way to still hold on. You need to not let her get to you. Revenge is not the answer. Just like a bully in school, don't allow your buttons to be pushed. Walk Away. The smartest thing to do is to ignore her comments...and move on. Try to refocus your energy on yourself or your kids if you have any together. I am going thru a divorce myself right now and I know that the first time I see him with someone else it's probably going to hurt but I know now and am preparing myself for that moment. I am refocusing my attention to other things. I actually hope he finds someone else then his focus will be off of me. I don't know if I helped much but end the fighting and games and move on. There are millions of women out there who will accept you for who you are, go find one. And my most important piece of advice is...keep God first and all other things will fall into place. If you want to chat..I'm here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 1:05pm
I never said you would hurt your ex?!? I said go buy a tape recorder. I also said ignore, ignore. Yes it's hard. But I've learned that when you're trying to hurt others, it's because you are guilty of something else. Don't fall into that trap. When I got my divorce I moved far away. And then he moved really far away. Thank God. But I still received threats. Geared more towards my kids. Now we have no contact. Thats fine with me!

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