Been reading the ABC's

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Been reading the ABC's
1
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:52pm
And I hate to say that I am terrified to agree with them. I mean I do, but I love my husband and he's a great guy and he's all I've known for 18 years. Yes, we are getting a divorce because we weren't really a good married couple and he wants to try to see how things would go with the girl he broke up with for me when I got pregnant 18 years ago. I know, I'm terrible for coming between them but I didn't force it on him. That's a whole other story. But he's been good to me for so long and I'm going to really miss him even though we'll have the kids and we'll still be friends, maybe even better friends than ever before. But I feel like I'm losing a part of me and it hurts. I keep thinking about all the things I can do and think and say but I won't have someone to go home to at night anymore and that scares me. I just wish I could go back 5 years and redo everything. Does any of this make sense?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:05pm

It makes perfect sense. I don't know where you are in the process or how long you've been separated but time makes all the difference in your attitude.

A year ago, I would NEVER had thought that there would be any good to come out of a divorce. We had 3 young children - our youngest had just come home from the hospital at 6 weeks old with special needs and we didn't know what his progress was going to be like. I was an emotional basket case and I was devastated when he said he was leaving. Fortunately, I had lots of support from friends and family and I made it through the year without completely losing it. It was terrible knowing that he was living with the OW and that they were spending time together with MY kids. But it did get easier with time.

My divorce was final on July 20th after a 14 month separation. My X went back and forth constantly about what he wanted. I finally decided that I deserved better than that and so did my kids. But a year ago, that wouldn't have been the case. Just trust that with time it will get easier. And the amount of time is different for everybody. What took me a year may take some people 2 years or others just 6 months. Just hold on with dear life to the fact that the hurt will start to ease and you will begin to see light at the end of the tunnel. I promise. I have a dear friend that would tell me over and over "you will make it through this, you are strong, you can do this". It helped so much to hear that and I would say it to myself sometimes. Heck, I still need to hear it or say it on occasion.

So...here you go....You WILL make it through this. You ARE strong. You CAN do this.

Hugs,
Stephanie




Edited 7/24/2007 1:13 pm ET by steph71