the beginning of the end

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
the beginning of the end
33
Thu, 06-19-2008 - 3:02pm

Kinda sounds like many of us are getting closer and closer to the finish line in these races toward sanity. I met with my STBX yesterday for about 4 hours with my suggestions for taking this back from the hands of particularily his lawyer who seems to think we have assets worth fighting over. I went through the deposition from hell 2 weeks ago which this lawyer dragged out for 3 1/2 hours grilling me over book purchases and so many irrelevant things that it was obvious he needed to raise his billing hours for the month-at $300 an hour his bill alone will be $1,500 to conclude that as a retired librarian I enjoy reading-Add to that my lawyer's fees and the court stenographer's and it was a total waste of money we don't have. My lawyer and I have suggested an arbitrator but STBX's lawyer wants this to go to a jury trial. Less billable time with arbitration???


The most amazing part of the 4 hours with STBX was hearing him express how badly I hurt his feelings while I was responding to the unrelentless badgering by his lawyer during the deposition! I hurt HIS feelings...Geez-this while the lawyer demanded that I BUTT out of my kids' lives-I did butt out and didn't remind either grown son of their dad's birthday or father's day (it's not like they don't know the dates) and STBX was hurt that they didn't contact him-


Anyway my suggestion was a 50/50 split of liquid assets (CD, stocks and bonds, 457K)-no alimony-with me receiving 60% of the profit from the sale of the house. Our home is 5 years old and has considerable equity built up.

Pages

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2008 - 3:30pm

I have no words of wisdom for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 6:00am

Hi Daisy,


Everything sounds fair with what you are doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 8:17am

As my STBX sat across from me Wed. and complained about how badly I had hurt HIS feelings while I was being grilled by his lawyer and then how neither son contacted him on Father's Day I couldn't help but think of "let me call the Whamm bulance!" I know I smiled thinking of saying it because of the way he looked at me. We have to remember the humor! The selective memory of these guys is amazing. It's all about them! It is so painful to think that after 30 years everything I thought I was working for is out the door. I will be starting over at the time in my life that I was looking forward to finally enjoying life. I do see that since he has chosen to find fault in everything that I would not have enjoyed life with him anyway, but I look around me and have nothing after working so hard for so long. On the bright side, there is nothing except Daisy Mae that I feel the need to take with me when I finally get out of the house. I'm worried about the length of time it could take to sell a house this nice in this housing market. I am trying to work out a way to move out and have my STBX continue preparations to sell it. I'm tired of being told how I'm not doing things correctly and feel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 8:33am

Hey Terry


Just curious, how far into the process are you? Is everything finalized?


I am worried that I will have to go back to work-I know that sounds bad to many of you but to say I burned out would be a huge understatement. I truly earned retirement and it hurts to think STBX was content with our lives as long as I was bringing in the big bucks but now sees nothing wrong with me having to reenter the work force because he is no longer happy. There are so many things I put on hold to do once I retired that I will not be able to do-realistically he would not have made it possible for me to do them anyway so I doubt things would have been very different. It comes down to being alone and lonely after being the person doing for everyone else for so long.

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 9:03am

Mediation is scheduled for next Wednesday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 9:27am

It is tiring to hear so many people tell us how much better things will be-how much happier we will be even knowing they are trying to keep us upbeat. Saying goodbye to so many years together is just unimaginable. I know that things will get better but this is a mell of a hess to find ourselves in at this point of our lives. I think we both feel like our entire lives have been invested in keeping things together and everyone else happy and when our "time" came we were kicked in the rear.


I am tired of the whole process and the demeaning of a relationship I worked so hard at keeping together. Divorce was never an option to me-I feel like I gave and gave and when I was having trouble adjusting to being retired no one was here to give to me.


The fact that we both have to wait until our houses sell to move forward is so scary! It's not like when the divorce papers get signed we just go sailing off into the sunset. Nothing will happen until the house sells-


I can so relate to just wanting a hug every now and then. Just the touch and validation from another human-assuming I guess that our STBXs are human! Seeing and talking to him

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 10:24am

As a lawyer, I would say that any lawyer who WANTS to do a trial is really thinking only of himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 10:35am

My DH is like that w/ the credit card bills also.

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 11:15am

LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 11:48am
Hey, I'm a lawyer!

Pages