the beginning of the end

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
the beginning of the end
33
Thu, 06-19-2008 - 3:02pm

Kinda sounds like many of us are getting closer and closer to the finish line in these races toward sanity. I met with my STBX yesterday for about 4 hours with my suggestions for taking this back from the hands of particularily his lawyer who seems to think we have assets worth fighting over. I went through the deposition from hell 2 weeks ago which this lawyer dragged out for 3 1/2 hours grilling me over book purchases and so many irrelevant things that it was obvious he needed to raise his billing hours for the month-at $300 an hour his bill alone will be $1,500 to conclude that as a retired librarian I enjoy reading-Add to that my lawyer's fees and the court stenographer's and it was a total waste of money we don't have. My lawyer and I have suggested an arbitrator but STBX's lawyer wants this to go to a jury trial. Less billable time with arbitration???


The most amazing part of the 4 hours with STBX was hearing him express how badly I hurt his feelings while I was responding to the unrelentless badgering by his lawyer during the deposition! I hurt HIS feelings...Geez-this while the lawyer demanded that I BUTT out of my kids' lives-I did butt out and didn't remind either grown son of their dad's birthday or father's day (it's not like they don't know the dates) and STBX was hurt that they didn't contact him-


Anyway my suggestion was a 50/50 split of liquid assets (CD, stocks and bonds, 457K)-no alimony-with me receiving 60% of the profit from the sale of the house. Our home is 5 years old and has considerable equity built up.

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 8:22am

Camult- You give us hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 9:09pm
Wow iladyja, that was profound!! I'm so glad you posted that, so much inspiration for so many of us!! I'm sure you've read some of my posts...'m dealing with a fence sitter who left to live with ow in Nov 07, just before our 27 year anniversary!I have pretty much exhausted myself thinking about my situation for the past 7 months, its soo consuming it wears out your heart and soul, and I'M tired of it, I'M to the point now that if thats what he wants go for it,hes made his bed now lie in it!! I'M moving on I'M getting my life back! And then I read your reply and I have confidence that YES I can do this..and I actually have things to look forward too!! Boy this is such a roller coaster ride isn't it?? God has a plan for our lives and I should just let things be,,,,much better things are coming our way!! Hang in there ladies!! Marylee
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 10:52am
I hope you have a lawyer if you are doing a military pension cause that is very complicated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 11:00am
I know what you mean about the guilt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 12:07pm

Is your health insurance a single plan or family?


Do you pay for your own policy?


I kept the family plan from my work, and kept X on it along with kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 2:12pm

Right now I'm on a family plan in his name-because we were both state employees I could have had my own policy but didn't know I would need it-It looks like it will be considerably less costly when the divorce is finalized and we switch to single coverage. I am currently paying for another policy for my 23 yr. old who does not have coverage at his job. My STBX quit paying for that and I took that on for now.


Right now the day to day bills living in this house are overwhelming and I can't do anything about them-everything is in

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 7:23pm
You're STBX works for the PO, so does mine..........he's having a fit because he says he can't take any money out of the pension plan.
Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 7:32pm

Sorry Mary............false alarm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 3:09pm
Actually this is my 2nd div.
Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 4:28pm

I want him to buy me out of the house to give me my share of the equity up front. Otherwise the house may just sit there.