Being Emotional Around Children

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Being Emotional Around Children
4
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 5:03pm

Today was a tough day. They come pretty often, sometimes can hold it in, other times can't. My 8 year old has seen me breakdown, and I just say mommy misses daddy. We are only separated but divorce is imminent as soon as my H can get up the nerve to ask me. SO everyday I am in limbo.

How important do you think it is to never let your children see you cry or be sad? Sometimes I think it's terrible, but other times I think that we are human and you can't help that...emotions are inevitable.

Another thing, tonight I wanted to ask H if he could take my DS for an overnight (not our usual night) because I just really want to be alone and sob. It's really pent up stuff. Has anyone had experience where this has hurt them in a divorce with custody or anything like that, ie mother is an emotional wreck and not prepared to raise child? I guess I could make up a story that I need his help as something came up at work...

Thanks in advance for your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 8:11pm

I may not be the best person to use as a gauge for this since I can be overly emotional, but here's my two cents.

I don't think it's bad for the kids to see you sad. I tried to hide it most of the time, but at the very beginning I was incredibly sad and my kids did see me cry. My 11 year old son would ask why I was crying and I'd simply say "I'm sad about the divorce." I think this let them know that I did have feelings about it and a sense of loss. While your kids shouldn't necessarily see mom so sad she's a basket case, I think some emotion is okay.

There's nothing wrong with you needing a break from your DS to have a night to cry. I would definitely not tell ex that that is what you are doing though. Just make up whatever reason suits you and have a night to let it all out. I think it's actually good that you thought to have your son go to your ex's house. This way you don't have to worry about him hearing you if he gets up in the night, or through a wall. You're showing what a good mother you are by making sure your son is taken care of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 8:41pm

Hey~


I would stick to the "Mommy's sad" moreso than "mommy misses daddy".... And, to a degree, I think it's OK for our children to see that we are sad..... it's not a joyous occasion.... BUT... if you are finding that your time is spent being upset and you're not able to do the things that you need to do during the day, then yes, ask for help.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 11:19am

I know exactly how you feel. I cry all the time. At home, at work, driving in my car. My kids (boys ages 9 & 12) have officially renamed me as "Mrs.Waterworks". They get upset when they see me crying, but I have explained it to them that I am very sad. I expected to be married to their dad for the rest of my life and it's very hard to handle the ending of a 16 year dream. I have told my boys that it's OK to be sad, that we will all be sad for a while, but that eventually we will start feeling better. I did have one day last week when I didn't cry at all, so I guess I'm making progress.

One reassuring story - When I asked my 12 year old if he had told any of his friends about mom & dad getting a divorce, he said yes. One of his friends went through a divorce last fall and he said his mom cries all the time. It made me feel better - like - hey - I'm not crazy!

So hang in there and we will hopefully get past the tears eventually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 9:21pm

Thank you for the replies and advice. I am also a cry-driver, sometimes so much so that I can't see the road. It's so sad to me so many women out there that are going through these emotions. I will continue to do my best around my son and hopefully improve each day.

But like I said in my first post, we actually haven't talked pointedly about divorce. He won't let go of me although he is unhappy. So I continue to wait, and hope, that our separation will shed light in our favor, but instincts tell me he'll get the courage to ask me in the next month or two. So my real grieving has not even started.