Betteringmyself..I hope u don't mind....
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Betteringmyself..I hope u don't mind....
| Thu, 03-31-2005 - 3:24pm |
I didn't want to hijack anyone's thread. I haven't posted here before but I think our stories are similar except I'm not separated from my H yet. From reading your post you were married to a drinker and addict for 17 years. Am I right? I've been with an alcoholic and addict for 13 years and have 3 kids. I'm very sick of living this lifestyle. I don't drink, do drugs, or even smoke cigarettes. I'm trying to make a decision to leave or live like this for the rest of my life. If you don't mind me asking what was the breaking point for you? I don't feel the love for my H that a wife should feel and I'm feeling more & more resentment everyday. I have the hardest time telling him exactly how I feel because I don't want to hurt him but at the same time I'm so miserable. He loves me terribly but most of the time his actions don't say that. (Continues to drink & drugs even though he knows I don't approve of it.) Our marraige counselor suggested AA for him if we were to stay married. He has no interest at all even looking up a meeting. Even if anyone else has input I appreciate everyone's words.

The first time I left my husband 3 years ago, he didn't think he had a problem either and refused to do anything about it. I went to the therapist by myself because his behavior and drinking were making me crazy. The therapist told me, "well, if he doesn't want to get help, then there's your answer....he's not interested in changing or helping himself." I learned that no matter how badly I wanted things to be different, it took two people to work through things. After I left he jumped right into therapy and a few AA meetings. He begged me to come back and I did. Things were good for a while and then they slid back into hell. He was a binge drinker and things would be good for a while and then he'd go get drunk and pull a horrendous stunt. This happened many times. He wasn't even the nicest person when he was sober.
We never had kids. I wanted them badly and kept waiting and waiting for him to come around but he never did. The last straw was when he got drunk on the road (he's a pilot) and did something stupid that caused him to lose his job last summer. For me, that was the last straw. I just could not trust this man enough to ever have children with him. My dad was the same sort of drinker (big surprise) and I didn't want my potential children to go through what I did. I saw the writing on the wall.
We went back to our therapist a few times. The therapist highlighted all the problems his drinking had caused us and told him he should consider "taking a break" from drinking and see if things got better. He also suggested he go to an AA meeting every night for the next week. Which he agreed to. On the way home from the therapist, we stopped at the grocery store and he wanted to know if I wanted a bottle of wine. He knows I don't drink wine and he would end up drinking the whole thing by himself. I was dumbfounded. I told him no. Later that night he had a beer in his hand. I told him that alarmed me to see him drinking that after how our therapy session went. He just shrugged his shoulders and drank the whole darn thing like he couldn't care less. I told him I wanted a divorce the next day. He broke down and begged me to give him more time...which I agreed to. He went running to an AA meeting. Two weeks went by..never went to another meeting and he started telling me that he thought he could still drink but just at special occasions. Again...I saw that he wasn't ready to change and give up the booze. Which is fine...I can't make him stop drinking, but I can take care of me and make a life for me without him and his booze. I again asked for a divorce the next week...again he cried and cried and begged me to stay...I broke down and agreed. The third time I told him I wanted a divorce it stuck though. He cried and cried...got down on the floor and begged, but by this point I had seen how he took advantage of the million second chances I had given him and that gave me the armour I needed to shield me from his tears. Divorcing and walking away from him and my home was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and my heart was broken but had I stayed with that man I'm CERTAIN that I would have ended up in the crazy house.
Hi, Now *I* am hijacking, lol.