Big Blowup Can We Ever Recover......
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| Tue, 10-11-2005 - 11:09am |
It started on Friday. The day before I had originally told my ex I would do the letter for c.s. cancelling the arrears. Then after several calls to c.s. on Friday I found out that it was totally HIS responsibility to get it straightened out UNLESS I wanted to be nice. A little background, he apparently didnt notify them right away that he was unemployed therefore they were still using his salary from when he was working for the c.s. payments. Had he done this right away the proper adustments would have been made and the new amount reflected. I was going to be dumb and do it but he showed his true colors.
He's supposed to get the baby on Sundays. So when I asked him what time he was like he doesnt know if he's getting him yet he has to let me know. I'm like what? So here he is again and he's only started getting him last week. I told him dont let me know at the last minute. We got into a argument about the whole c.s. thing and then he started bringing up how his gf is mad at him b/c he's been on the phone with me for a long time and that shouldnt be. It pissed me off. Why is he telling me this? She has nothing to do with us discussing the schedule for our son or the c.s issue either. If we are trying to agree on something, why cant she wait until were done? Its not like "me and him" were planning a rendevous or something. That conversation finally ended.
Friday he came to my job for the letter and I told him I needed to think about it based on the info I got from c.s. He got really pissed. Telling me I was playing games and I know how his taxes are in jeoparday and the money doesnt belong to me etc. I wasted his time and on and on. So my friend was like he wants you to do favors for him, what is he doing for you? I said nothing. She said tell him you want sole custody and he will get visitation. Which is how things are already. Not thinking about it I asked him for that. It was the wrong time to ask for that I guess. Because he took it totally out of context. Accusing me of trying to sell the baby for $1,800, and using the baby as a bargaining chip. He left furious. I waited a while and called him, he didnt answer, so I left a message telling him to forget that, I just want the craziness to end. He came back and still nothing was resolved. I didnt hear anything else from him. That was about 3
pm Friday.
Sunday at approximately 10:30a.m. he calls telling me he's coming in an hour for the baby. Again I was dumbfounded. I said what are u talking about. That cant happen,u never got back to me about today. So am I supposed to change my plans now. He's like u know this is my day. Starts blaiming me again. Saying im using the baby as a bargaining chip and his other baby's mother said I would do this. I told him the baby has a cold and the weather is bad outside today. I asked him what time he would be coming, he said 1-2pm, I asked when are u bringing him back, he said 5pm. Now that's not what we agreed on. It was 12-8p.m. He keeps plaining games. I cant take it. I told him I would appreciate if he doesnt bring her in my building, he said its a public place, he can do it if he wants. I told him I dont want her knowing my apt #, he said she already does. This is wrong. What's wrong with him. Why does she need my apt #. ofcourse an agrgument begins, he blames me, gets nasty brings up the c.s. letter and the furniture again that he wants. Then he says he's done talking to me and hangs up. He wouldnt even let me say what I was trying to say. just dismissed me. I hate when he does that, its so degrading. I calle3d him back on his cell, he didnt answer, then I called his house, the grandmother answere I ask to speak to him, SHE HUNG UP ON ME.
What the f#@k! What's going on here. I couldnt believe it so I called back, got the answering machine. I waited till I calmed down, called back, machine again, I was gonna curse here out but instead I calmly said: Shaun, the baby is really not feeling well, I just gave him medicine and since you called at the last minute and its against what we agreed on it's not a good idea for him to be outside today witht he bad weather and all, so let's cancel today. He called my phone a few times, I didnt answer since thats what they wanted to do. This is crazy, Ive tried to be decent with him but it just doesnt work. Im not responsible for fixing his mess. I cant take it anymore.

Man, that is a lot of BS to deal with. I sometimes wonder why I thought there would be less drama if we divorced, lol. I am so sorry this is happening with you. I hate the way we end up looking like the bad guy when it's them who won't follow a few simple rules. He is in total control with the visitation and that has got to be frustrating and I guess the only way to resolve anything is to get something legal. I am having no trouble with visitation but, with CS and the solution is going to have to be legal. I've been trying to be nice and accomidating but, they really don't give a rat's a$$ about what we want and we should treat them the same. I know that's hard it's something I myself am having difficulty with. Hang in there, we are here for you!
Jessica
To stop fighting you have to stop engaging him.
Thanks to both of you for your posts.
Jennie,
You gave some great suggestions. The one about making the exchange not at my building is great. I dont care if he brings her with him, I just didnt feel it was proper for her to be in my building. He's perfectly capable of bringing him from the lobby of my bldg all by himself. He doesnt need her assistance. I dont know where she lives and he may have my son at house. But I dont demand to know where she lives b/c thats her personal business. I would however, have more grounds to want to know where she lives then her knowing where I live. She has no business knowing my apt #. Thats my personal business.
I agree about not letting him think I may help him. I was just trying to bridge some of the huge gap between us but it has just backfired big time. What a mess. I guess him and I will just not be able to have a civil relationship regarding our son. I just want him to respect me as the mother of his child. You know, show me the same decency Ive shown him. He just wont do it, Why.
I just dont get it. What am I doing wrong.
The only thing you are doing wrong is expecting the impossible.