Big problems w/ STBX gf...makes me sick

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Big problems w/ STBX gf...makes me sick
7
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:27am
Here is my update without all the background. It has been 8 months and I am still going through this crap. STBX told me about his gf after xmas and it killed me. I was threatened time and time again to get out of the house because I could not keep up on the bills alone. He was working a mere 15 hours a week and the child support was squat. He just recently quit that job. Im sure the hours were interfering with his nights at her house, since he was late so much. So he has been extremely nasty to me lately because my kids are mad and want nothing to do with him. They completely disrespect him and I dont correct them on most things because he deserves it, he abandoned them too. Would rather spend time with the new gf then them. God forbid they wanted to go to his house sat mornings when he was still with her, laying in bed. So he gave her my email address about 2 months ago...she contacted me. This past Saturday him and her called me 38 times from her "restricted" cell. Her screaming in the background calling me a crack whore etc. You're the one sleeping with my husband and have been for quite along time!!!! SO when my daughter got on the phone and he thought it was me, she still heard her calling me names. Hell broke loose. I went to my nephews bday party that day and he decided to show up at my fathers with his gf, and sat out in the car until the cops came. (he reported my car stolen, because its in his name and wanted them to take it). The cops told him they werent doing it. Skip ahead, he's pissed at that. Decides on Monday to take my kids from school, knowing the custody is not in effect yet. Told me I cannot have them back until I tell him where we are living. (remember we got kicked out and I had to uproot my kids from the house they were raised in, the cops said since there is no custody in order yet, I do not have to tell him because he's only starting probs)He said that I needed to bring the cops if I wanted them, sure that I woudlnt otherwise. Well luckily I knew the cop because he got my kids back for me. Again he tried to get me locked up for "stealing" the car. Didnt work again. Maybe he gave up, finally because he called me that night and talked civally to me for the first time in months. that he wants respect from the kids and knows Im the only way to get it. Well, I am not talking nice about this man. They dont like him anymore. I will not allow my kids near this girl at all. She has proved how she is. He told my daughter before the civil call that she would like the gf better than me because she has more money then me (he's a money hungry pig) and that her daughter is her age and plays with make up...wouldnt you like to play with her? I cant stand him. It makes me sick that he stays with her and introduced her to his family already and now wants to introduce my kids. After all this?! Are you kidding? I havent thought about introducing my kids to anyone. He wants the family thing back...with my kids, her and her kid. Sick. Then he tells my daughter last night he wont make it to her sacrement on Saturday, but he'll make it up with Friendlys. That I shoudl ahve told him sooner. Well Hello...everytime I tried to talk to him he would call me a whore or bitch and hang up. I did nothing to this man...he left me...and now he is obsessed with hurting me over and over again. So much more to say, but I made this long enough. Sorry
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 10:34am
Wow, I'm sorry for all the drama... But, it is very unfortunate that you and your STBX are using the children as pawns. You are causing great harm to them. NEITHER of you should speak poorly of the other or allow anyone to speak poorly of the other. I know you are hurting, but you really have to get it together for the kids, in front of the kids. They should not be involved in any way with the dispute with your STBX. Don't encourage them to hate him or anyone. It doesn't help them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 11:48am
Wow, stbx is a total piece of crap. Mine is a monster too (yours sounds worse). He shoves his gf down the kids throats every chance he gets (we have only been separated a month and a hlaf and its not even leagal yet, ugh). I have no control over it. You can only control your time with the kids. I agree you guys need to stop bashing eachother to the kids...major no no. Keep a dated journal of all the bad stuff your ex has done. This will help alot with whatver road you take custody wise. I like communicating/arguing with my stbxh via email...there is a record of everything and we are very careful what we say. Not alot of advice here, just letting you know I feel your pain and don't get mad...get everything!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 3:52am
everyone is a piece of crap, there are 2 sides to every story, i dont know him and i dont know you and i dont believe one word your saying,lol, all men are crap but i know that i have delt with an evil heartless women myself so to take sides and call him crap too i can not do cause been there done that and i know whats going on so im sorry i have no clue what to tell you exept goodluck and join half the world all i do know is there are more laws to protect women in there favor because men are such pieces of crap and women are perfect
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 7:22am
I'm no piece of crap, I'll tell you that right now, jamiedionne! You know what? I'm just praying those biased laws can save me now...a SAHM who's husband decided some trash from work was his "soulmate" and I lucked out by catching him before he could screw me over financially as well as personally! My crime...doing everthinig that jerk ever asked me to do. He has the nerve to lie and cheat then get nasty when I get a laywer to protect the rights of our children and myself. Yes, there are two sides to every story, I can't argue with you there. I can't imagine how my spineless jerk of a husband could truthfully craft something that would justify the horror of what he is and has done. That "soulmate' BS isn't really cutting it for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 7:56am

J-
Contrary to what you think, I am one of those women who actually wanted to work on my marriage. I still love my STBX dearly. I went through therapy but what we needed was marriage counseling which he never wanted to attend. He thinks he is perfect and doesn't need any help - He knows everything. I know I'm far from perfect.

But, when he found a friend, it was his out. He just wants us to be friends. I sent him an email the other day telling him I appreaciate his help however I start to long for him to hold me. He was crying but honors my wish and will keep his distance for awhile. I wish my STBX could talk to you and you could spout your wisdom to him instead of casting judgment on the women on this board.

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 9:00am

You are correct that there are two sides to every story, and obviously, we only hear one perspective when someone tells the story. I am going thru a divorce right now and altho I try to take the high road, I am sure that I do things that bug the STBX just as he does things to bug me. Of course, from MY perspective, he does FAR more things than I do, and his are all on purpose. Mine are unintentional. :)

However, given that, you must admit that if this original poster is even exaggerating a little, this guy and his interfering annoying gf are not acting very maturely. I also agree with the other posters, tho, that BOTH parents have to knock this crap off. It is POSSIBLE that if the original poster shows that she is trying to allow her kids to have a relationship with their dad (however horrible he may be to her), that he will see this and start acting better. It is ALSO possible that she will do this and he will continue to be an a$$. But someone has to start. And her kids will see this. They are much smarter than we think. And they WATCH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 1:23pm

My first step would be to call the phone company and make sure all restricted phone calls were blocked from your phone. Most phone companies can do this so therefore you have to show your number in order to call. The other caller will get a nice message that the number they are calling doesn't take blocked calls and to please hang up and unblock their phone.

This will stop the harrassing calls. If it doesn't, then it will at least prove "harrassment" to the police and you can get a restraining order filed for harrassment by showing how many calls in a given day are being made to your home.

You should be correcting your children for disrespectful behavior in regards to any adult whether it's their cheating father or not. That is what parents are suppose to do. It's not a good example to be setting to them to allow the disrespect to continue. Talking poorly about their father in front of them also needs to stop. As much as you deserve to be angry at him, bashing him in front of them is not healthy or productive and allowing them to be disrespectful to any adult isn't helpful to children, even if he is an insensitive, disrespectful, cheating clod.

And then I would get a court date as soon as possible to get a custody arrangement into affect quickly. I also would document in a notebook, times, dates and occurances everytime he does something. For Example. 2/28/07 4:48 pm Joe calls police to report that I stole the car. Police do not take care.

3/1/07 3:15 am Joe calls screaming calling me a whore, his girlfriend yells in background calls me a crack whole. I tell him to not call the house again and hang up.
3/1/07 3:18 am Joe calls again screaming calling me a tramp, I tell him not to call again.

Etc. and so forth...so all these things continually are documented. Any email that is sent to you. You print out. Anything that is inflammatory do not respond to. Anything that is about picking up the children, respond to very politely and civily. But anything that is rude, vindictive and mean do not even respond. Just print out and put in your file and block the email address. Just keep a running file and give to your lawyer for your restraining order and harrassment complaint.

Smile,

Deirdre