Bitter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Bitter.
1
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 3:35pm

This is the first message I have ever posted.
After six years, and moving to his home town, three states away from my own family. my X leaves me for the closest thing I had to a best friend. However I did not know about their relationship until three months into the separation, after many cry sessions and telling her intimate secrets about my marriage.
They live together and she takes care of my daughter when she stays at her fathers.

We have a seven year old daughter. He shares 50% custody with me and pays his child support on time. My daughter is doing fabulous. But I can't move on. I don't talk smack about her father to her, and I don't ask questions about their relationship. She's adjusted really well. She talks to me about anything at anytime. My relationship with her is about the only thing I feel I'm doing right.

I have never felt this kind of betrayal before. The divorce has been final for one year today. And I can't seem to get my act together. I'm full of and rage and disappointment. I'm terrified. But I don't know of what. I'm barely surviving.

My marriage ended because He and I couldn't get along. She was just a reason for him to leave. I've accepted that I made him want to leave, but I can't forgive him for actually doing it. And I can't forgive her.

I'm afraid to be here without him. I'm angry that he left me in a city thousands of miles from home with no family in case of emergencies or just to be supportive. I cant' tell if I still love him or if I'm just afraid to be on my own.

He treats me like I left. He's snide, and arrogant and expects me to apologize to My X best friend for giving her a piece of my mind when I found out about them.

I can't figure out how I really feel. It's been a year and a half since he left. What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: brattyvegasgirl
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 4:13pm
My stbx moved me as well and then dropped the bomb. It sucks. Can you get therapy? Can you go to divorce support groups? While you have every right to feel as you do (heck I fantasize about my ex just getting sucked off of the planet), it really doesn't help you does it? I got involved in my local MOMS club, volunteer at my daughter's school and find anything else to do on with my time. It really helps. As hard as it is to do, you just have to start carving your own life. You might need therapy, meds or whatever to get started and get over the initial "hump". As far as your ex's attitude...screw him. He's a manipulative, lying sob so who cares what he thinks of you? Mine always tells me that I need to take responsibility for my part in this. While we all bring stuff to a marriage, my "stuff" wasn't marriage ending (and I've been told this by professionals). It's just their way to shift blame and guilt on you. Ignore him the best that you can. I wish you much peace and luck in all of this. It is so hard but we can all do this.