this board really helps

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
this board really helps
2
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 7:09pm

Not really looking for answers or advice about a D.... I just read the "How do you know when" thread and so many of the postings really spoke to me.
I've been on the MAS board, the Stay or Leave board, the EAS board...you name it. This board really helped me (as does the MAS board).
I've been M for 9 years and involved in an A for 3 months (don't judge me - I'm not listening...I know it's not right but sometimes life just isn't as simple as right and wrong).
I'm here now b/c I was divorced 12 yrs ago and it was the most painful thing I ever did. Now, I need to make some decisions and one of them would mean that I go thru it again, but with more to lose (not financial - that doesn't bother me). I just have more time invested in this one and many, many close friends and family that I will probably lose. Not to mention the guilt of what it will do to my H.
I won't be telling my H about the A, and if he asks, I will probably deny. No need to add insult to injury.
I haven't made that decision yet, but I'm getting closer each day and sometime in the next couple of months I will. I've given myself a deadline of the end of the year to either get out or re-commit.
I know what a D is like - I know what to expect, where the pain is, and how to protect myself. I know I can get thru it if I have to.
What scares me to death is being 40 and single again. How do you start over? All I have ever had for the last 10 yrs is work, family, and friends I share with my H. I know that I have the confidence and ability live a fulfilling life without my H - there's no financial dependence, no kids, I have a great career. But it's still scary. 6-7 yrs ago, I thought "I don't know if I can handle being 34 and single". It's even worse now. If I had acted then I wouldn't now be thinking "I don't know if I can handle being 40 and single".

How do you do it? Start over, learn to be alone, push aside the absolute sadness of knowing you destroyed someone else's life (which, at least initially, I know this would).
I know many of you out there are my age - but have been M much longer, and most of you have kids - so much more compplication. I know that my situation probably sounds so much simpler and I have far less to be scared of and far less to lose, but I still am scared.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 1:43pm

"life just isn't as simple as right and wrong"

For some of us it is......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 11:19pm

You're right... life isn't cut and dried... and you never know what shoes you may wear until you're wearing them.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~