I am a happily married woman.
I have to say that this is very odd behavior esp since you said you didn't allow this and told him no.
The children are 12 and 10.
...are you using concrete language like "if you come onto our property again without permission, I will call the police" or "if you continue to involve yourself in our family time I will be forced to call the police"...have you told your children that the back lash from you (losng all privileges or something along those lines) will be far worse than what your ex husband may do?...you are going to have to take drastic aciton and then follow through...can I ask how this is affecting your marriage? what does your husband say when you continue to allow your ex husband such control?...have you punished your children for giving non family members private/security information?...can you stop giving them the information until they are old enough to handle the responsibility?...
I'd even try going back to court for a modification on this family vacation thing--change it to you tell him when you are going on vacation but there is really no reason for him to know the exact place so he can show up.
Oh my goodness :smileysurprised: I have never heard anything like that in my life - at first I just thought you just weren't setting boundaries, but it seems as though you have at least attempted to - what a horrible situation.
I used to live in my ex's condo & he would do similar things - like show up unannounced and I as well would try to appease him by only putting up a small fight here & there about it - b/c I was trying to get along etc. for our children.
I honestly have no idea what to suggest or how you should handle that - it sounds like a pretty sad situation for him --- and package deal is an understatement. Hopefully at some point he will move on and start his own & a new life. If not, you may have to definitely working on putting other things in motion. Your new husband is a very tolerant man it seems.