Brand new to ivillage and have a questio
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Brand new to ivillage and have a questio
| Sun, 11-12-2006 - 4:19pm |
I have been separated from my H for 6 weeks now and we have been to see a divorce lawyer. My question to you is when do I take my wedding ring off? This relationship is going nowhere but divorce, I just dont seem to know when to take the ring off as this will raise questions at work and whatnot....how did you deal with co-workers when you divorced or separated? I dont want sympathy and questions...which is the main reason I havent taken it off yet......
Thanks!
Joy

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Hi Luv,
The timing of removing your wedding band is different for everyone. It's really up to you.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
HUGS! The right time is when YOU feel it is right. There's no set rule. I personally had stopped wearing my wedding band from my first marriage about six months before I actually filed for divorce. I couldn't bear wearing it because I was so unhappy. On occasion when I tried it on, it would actually make me feel ill! The funny thing was that no one in my office noticed I wasn't wearing it.
If you do decide to take it off soon, politely tell any colleague that asks about the ring that you'd rather not discuss it.
Taking off your ring is a very personal decision, and must be right for you. But, you must remember what the ring symbolizes...love, marriage, committment. I took mine off the day I found out my H was having an A, and haven't put it back on since (well, maybe for a brief period until we told the kids he was moving out). It's been five months, and while many of my close friends know of my situation, those who don't have not asked. I agree with a previous poster that it would be pretty nervy of someone to ask, but I guess different work places are....different!
Not having a ring doesn't necessarily mean you are "available." Only you can determine that, and the ring shouldn't matter one way or the other. I certainly wasn't "ready" and still am not sure if I am. I took off my ring because our vows were broken....and at the time I didn't know if they could be fixed. That decision was H's, and he failed miserably, and now we are in the process of filing for a divorce. But regardless, I could not wear my rings. I don't care what people think...let them think all they want. I did it for me, because it didn't feel right wearing them, and H needed to see that as well.
That's my two cents....but I still feel it's a personal decision.
Tis
Hi, I'm pretty new to this board too, though not to i-village. I've been divorced for less than a year, separated for almost two years. I took off my wedding ring before we separated, when we made the decision to separate. What I did was replace my wedding ring with another ring. That way my hand felt normal. No one asked about it, but it sounds like you are in a different work situation than mine. I am so sorry! Nosy people are a pain.
When I decided it was time to tell people (besides my best friend at work who had known all along) that I was moving out on my husband because my marriage was over, I picked two people who I know like to gossip and told each of them individually. I told them that I found the whole thing painful to talk about and I hoped they would pass the word around and also tell people that I didn't want to deal with questions. They were delighted.
I didn't get too many questions from other people, but when someone asked more than "is it true?" I sent them to the gals I'd "confided" in, saying that I just found it too painful to keep talking about it. Mostly it worked.
You're going to go through some rough times now. Hang in there.
Elsa
Edited 11/12/2006 7:46 pm ET by elarisa
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