Brand new to ivillage and have a questio

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Brand new to ivillage and have a questio
15
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 4:19pm

I have been separated from my H for 6 weeks now and we have been to see a divorce lawyer. My question to you is when do I take my wedding ring off? This relationship is going nowhere but divorce, I just dont seem to know when to take the ring off as this will raise questions at work and whatnot....how did you deal with co-workers when you divorced or separated? I dont want sympathy and questions...which is the main reason I havent taken it off yet......

Thanks!

Joy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 5:12pm
I've kept mine on. I'm going through a healing and self discovery process. Taking the ring off means that I'm available and ready to move on. I know I'm not at that point yet. You need to find the answer yourself. What does it mean to you if you keep it on? What does not wearing it mean to you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 5:30pm

Hi Luv,


The timing of removing your wedding band is different for everyone. It's really up to you.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 6:04pm
The wedding ring comes off when you know you are getting a divorce. It is a symbol of a promise made that is no longer valid and to wear it while going through the divorce is hypocritical. They're all going to find out sooner or later anyway though I know it's hard to start telling people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 6:47pm
Thanks for your response! To keep it on means I am not available just yet....I am not emotionally ready to leap into anything at all period. But I don't want to give my children false hope that things will get better because mom hasnt taken her wedding ring off yet.... they are 3, 6, and 8. Just wish their was a "right" time to take it off... :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 6:50pm
The women I work with are very materialistic and nosey. I have quit wearing the engagement part of the ring and now only have the band on and wouldn't you know that the ladies noticed it the same day! One asked what happened to my ring...I told her I just didnt feel like wearing the rock that day.... these women are vultures when it comes to drama and juicy gossip...makes me weary of not wearing the band at all because the questions will come firing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 6:51pm
Does it come of the minute you know that divorce is imminent or when the papers have been filed? I know everyone will find out sooner or later.....I just dont want to be the topic of gossip when it happens....silly to think that is what I am worried about with all else going on in my life right now... :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 7:13pm

HUGS! The right time is when YOU feel it is right. There's no set rule. I personally had stopped wearing my wedding band from my first marriage about six months before I actually filed for divorce. I couldn't bear wearing it because I was so unhappy. On occasion when I tried it on, it would actually make me feel ill! The funny thing was that no one in my office noticed I wasn't wearing it.

If you do decide to take it off soon, politely tell any colleague that asks about the ring that you'd rather not discuss it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 7:27pm

Taking off your ring is a very personal decision, and must be right for you. But, you must remember what the ring symbolizes...love, marriage, committment. I took mine off the day I found out my H was having an A, and haven't put it back on since (well, maybe for a brief period until we told the kids he was moving out). It's been five months, and while many of my close friends know of my situation, those who don't have not asked. I agree with a previous poster that it would be pretty nervy of someone to ask, but I guess different work places are....different!

Not having a ring doesn't necessarily mean you are "available." Only you can determine that, and the ring shouldn't matter one way or the other. I certainly wasn't "ready" and still am not sure if I am. I took off my ring because our vows were broken....and at the time I didn't know if they could be fixed. That decision was H's, and he failed miserably, and now we are in the process of filing for a divorce. But regardless, I could not wear my rings. I don't care what people think...let them think all they want. I did it for me, because it didn't feel right wearing them, and H needed to see that as well.

That's my two cents....but I still feel it's a personal decision.

Tis

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 7:43pm

Hi, I'm pretty new to this board too, though not to i-village. I've been divorced for less than a year, separated for almost two years. I took off my wedding ring before we separated, when we made the decision to separate. What I did was replace my wedding ring with another ring. That way my hand felt normal. No one asked about it, but it sounds like you are in a different work situation than mine. I am so sorry! Nosy people are a pain.

When I decided it was time to tell people (besides my best friend at work who had known all along) that I was moving out on my husband because my marriage was over, I picked two people who I know like to gossip and told each of them individually. I told them that I found the whole thing painful to talk about and I hoped they would pass the word around and also tell people that I didn't want to deal with questions. They were delighted.

I didn't get too many questions from other people, but when someone asked more than "is it true?" I sent them to the gals I'd "confided" in, saying that I just found it too painful to keep talking about it. Mostly it worked.

You're going to go through some rough times now. Hang in there.

Elsa




Edited 11/12/2006 7:46 pm ET by elarisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 8:13pm
The minute the divorce is imminent (I couldn't wait to take it off). Hold your head up, the gossipers will find something else to talk about soon enough. Don't answer questions if you don't want to, it's none of their business. I simply said "Things didn't work out but it's going to be ok". Listen, I was married twenty five years and had a dent in my ring finger I never thought would go away, I'm sure even strangers noticed.

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