Breaking Commitment to God...
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Breaking Commitment to God...
| Wed, 05-23-2007 - 3:03pm |
Does anyone have a problem breaking their commitment to God? I think I care more about that than hurting my husband and family. Any other Christians struggling with this?

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This is why I stayed in an unhappy marriage to an alcoholic for 28 years. If I'd been ok with breaking my vows, we wouldn't have made it 10 years.
In the end it didn't matter though. He left me. I wish I'd left him sooner. Starting over at 47 is the pits.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
ouch.
i was raised strict roman catholic. i've posted my story before. long story short:
stbx was my hs sweetheart. married him at 19. he was the only man i ever had sex with. We have two kids.
stbx is also a drunk. he slept on the couch, couldn't hold a job, sent our home to foreclosure, we filed bankruptcy and i filed for divorce.
i also had an affair with a married man. why? reaction to all that was bad in my life.
which sin is going to send me to hell? the affair, the birth control, the fact that i miss mass on sunday? the fact that i divorced my husband and will more than likely have another man in my life who i will have sex with outside of wedlock?? stbx discovered my affair and constantly tells me that i am going to hell.
someone else posted that we are all with sin. i haven't led the best life recently, but i believe that god understands and forgives.
we as humans need to be more understanding, less judgemental and more forgiving.
just my 2 cents
what
Well, I believe in God and I believed that God was part of our marriage ceremony and I believe our marriage was a sacrament (I am Catholic), but the real sin here, to me, is the harm done to our children.
Marriages that involved alcohol, drug or other addictive behaviors, chronic physical or psychological abuse, chronic wilful unemployment, severe mental illness, where the troubled party will not work to make positive changes, those are the marriages whose end I believe God understands.
But, marriages that end because the adults aren't willing to really work on it, aren't willing to sacrifice, aren't willing to compromise, aren't willing to find their happiness even in a less than perfect marriage -- where there are children involved, I think ending those marriages is a sin and primarily a sin against the children.
Innocent children learn about betrayal, learn they cannot trust the people they count on (their parents), often lose their home, their neighborhood, their friends, their economic security -- the very foundation blocks for a healthy emotional and psychological development -- because the adults in their lives couldn't grow up, suck it up and put their kids first.
Sorry, but I don't buy into the argument that modelling a less than perfect marriage is somehow more damaging than modeling a divorce which teaches that a) there are no commitments that can't be broken , b) that it is better to walk away than work/compromise/sacrifice, and c) that love can never be trusted to last. Great legacy.
That said, I am dealing with a divorce I didn't want; I can't stop it, so I am doing my best to protect my children, preserve the life they have known to this point, work collaboratively with my stbx so that he stays involved in their lives, etc. I will do everything I can to help them heal from the hurt they will experience (we tell them the weekend after school gets out and he moves out 2 weeks before my older dd's birthday (nice, hunh?)). I can only do that and pray pray pray that somehow my girls are the lucky ones that survive this tragedy and become whole healthy happy adults.
Ok, sorry, my response turned into a vent.
M
Edited 5/23/2007 5:30 pm ET by nymava
I struggled with this one bigtime too. It took me nearly 4 months from the time I decided to leave til I actually made the move because of it. But God is more interested in the individuals salvation than he is in the marriage. If the marriage is going to be the "death" of your emotional soul, He would rather sacrifice the marriage and save the individual.
Hugs
Joannie
<<>>
i didn't want to admit that my marriage was over. i struggled for over 4 years trying to make it work. (btw, i was married for 20, tomorrow would be my 21st wedding anniversary)
i got married for better or worse, sickness and in health, till death due us part. blah blah blah.
well, let me tell you, at age 19 you have no freaking clue just how long it will be until death.
it took me 14 months after stbx lost his last job to get up the couage to walk out the door. i decided that my marriage was not worth salvaging. i grew up in an alcoholic household, actually, my 73 year old father has been in the hospital since may 1 with withdrawals, dts, hallucinations, etc. I REFUSE TO ALLOW MY CHILDREN TO BE RAISED BY A DRUNK.
ok i'm better now. i guess i am different from some on this board in that i actually wanted a divorce. i couldn't care less where stbx ends up so long as its not on my couch or anywhere in my life or my kids life.
anyway, i don't believe anyone gets married with the hopes of getting a divorce. i always wanted to be married and be a mom. now i am a 40 year old single mother of two starting over. you know what? i have never been happier in my life.
i have shown my children that the chain can be broken. i have suffered more than i realized growing up with an alcoholic father. my children will not.
what
Thank you all for your responses. I think I'm having a particularly hard time with this because I don't have a horrible husband. He's not abusive or alcoholic. He's a really nice guy whose been passive-agressive over the years, but now he is really trying to work on his issues.
He still loves me and is attracted to me, but I just feel like it's too late. I don't want to fix the marriage...which is a horrible thing to admit, but nevertheless how I feel. For years now, I have felt like I don't love him and was not attracted to him, but I never let those feelings really surface...because what kind of wife would ever admit to not loving her husband? So I just pushed those feelings down in me. But now that I've admitted it openly, it's as if a box has been opened and I can no longer put the lid back on to contain my feelings. It's a horrible feeling. But I don't think that God wants me to be miserable in my marriage either.
I feel like I have 2 choices and neither is good for me. Either I get divorced, which I feel is wrong, or I stay and live miserably in a loveless, sexless marriage. My decision would be easier probably if he was a drug-addict or abusive, but he's not.
Since in some way your situation is a crisis of faith, maybe it would help to talk it through with a spiritual director, be that a minister or someone specially trained as a spiritual director.
Maybe through those conversations and prayer you could come to some sort of peace with whatever decision you make.
Also, marriage counseling is a pretty important component of making that decision.
I don't recall you mentioning if you have children. If you do and they are young, please do alot of reading about children and divorce as part of your decision making process.
Gl and blessings,
M
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